Hii

I just wanted to rant about social anxiety, and my experiences.

The context why I am making this post:

I managed to get someones contact details (discord, I asked), which I was proud of. My intent is to make some friends.

Today I sent them a message. They responded kindly, then i sent a message back. Aaand thats it. 3 messages.

They were kind, and kind while i was talking to them irl, but now im just so anxious that I said something wrong. That when they were talking to me irl they actually thought I was kinda fucking weird, and sent me their discord just out of kindness. I worry they just arent interested in being friends. Which is fine of course, but i still worry about it. I understand this is all anxiety, and dont take it as reality.

I am so used to people seeing me as weird. I recall a couple years ago, an older women, describing me as “weird, in the weirdest possible way”. That broke my fucking heart. I was trying to talk. I never said anything bad I think. I just, i just made conversation… and i was having such a good time.

I hate being seen as some creep. I hate being seen as a man. I want to be seen as the women minty! Not some creature people tolerate.

I say all that, but there has been a lot of nice people in my life. So not everyone views me like that.

I worry so much that the people at the bar I went to (look at my post history for context) view me like that older women, or all the other people that have said similar things to me. But they are nice, at least, so even if they do see me as weird, I appreciate them.

I really just want to be able to make some new friends. Some new friends to chat about whatever. Not that i dont have that, fortuntely, I just want to find people who reaaallly relate to me.

Honestly I need a solid months break from the world. Not that Ill do that, but i just wanna snooze and sleep. Im tired of all this.

Thanks for reading.

-Minty

  • reversedposterior
    2·
    2 months ago

    Yeah I think unfortunately the only solution to this issue over time that I’ve found is that I’ve just set my expectations at nobody really cares and is just being polite 99% of the time. This might be an exaggeration slightly but I don’t think it’s that far off honestly. A lot of people do things because of social norms, or people have their own preferences and you don’t fit them but in any case these are all things out of your control.

    Ultimately I know that if people want to talk to me they will reach out. If they don’t, well the probability I’ve missed someone that would have been a good friend is fairly low anyway. I’ve become less anxious as a result of this. I just try to be nice to people and expect nothing in return. The few people who have continued to interact have become friends and usually that bond is strong enough that it stays for a long time. Trying to chase friends will just end up with people drifting away because the likelihood is you end up trying too hard to maintain contact with someone that isn’t a good personality match.

    • Minty@aussie.zoneOP
      1·
      2 months ago

      expectations at nobody really cares and is just being polite 99% of the time

      I feel like that would reduce my anxiety but at the same time feel depressing for me, even if true. I feel insecure about that.

      Trying to chase friends will just end up with people drifting away because the likelihood is you end up trying too hard to maintain contact with someone that isn’t a good personality match.

      Thats hard for me, but you are absolutely right. I think one thing for me is knowing how much is chasing too hard, or not trying at all. idk.

      Thanks for the comment :)

      • reversedposterior
        1·
        2 months ago

        If it feels like you are putting in more effort than the other person it’s usually too much in my experience. I’m not saying this is universally true but it’s a general guide I use anyway. Unfortunately there is going to be some depressing realisations about yourself and the world that you will have to become at peace with at some point as an autistic person I would say if you want to reach a ‘happy place’. I’m middle aged now but I went through it for decades and only recently became comfortable with myself (ish!)