Hiii
I think the first thing that comes to mind is honestly, was my mask even convincing? I mean I dont really think so. I was stilled called weird and all that. Also I was the classic quiet kid.
Now I was masking, since I didnt stim in high school, or at uni. Atleast obviously. I repressed all that down as much as I could. But as I said, not well at all. In fact in hindsight, my difference from people was probably pretty quickly noticable.
Although it is a thin, almost transparent mask Ive tried to put on, I feel a great desire to pull it off.
Ive just started with the most obvious thing. Stimming.
As I walk now even in the city, I let my stims just do whatever. Flap a bit if I need, rubs my hands, saying “beewoop”. Its very freeing.
When Im talking in a group, I do noticable stims (rubbing my knuckles, light flicks of the wrist). Although i dont do vocal stims as to not interrupt the flow of the conversation.
I am also gonna straight up bring my cinnamon roll plushie to the next dnd session with my friends. Theyre understanding people, but I am still embarrased to do that. But im gonna do that because I fucking want to. I love hugging my plushies at home while doin stuff. Why not there?
I think my increasing acceptance of all of my autistic traits, comes from 3 things. First, is the social aspect ive seen of other autistic folk asserting they’re autistic in conversation, so ive followed suit. Second, is honestly being trans. Theres a level of pretty radical self acceptance in that process. Lastly, is me realising that autism is a disability. Not masking when I can (I may need to do so at work? I hope not) helps me accept who I am and heal.
I am also going to get some noise cancelling headphones. I realise I need to take care of myself much better. Put pre-emptive effort into preventing the near meltdowns (I cry a bit quietly) in the city because of all the noise.
Theres a lot I need to work out. Such as how disabled I am (gonna to a psych). But at least for now, I am helping myself by being myself.
-Minty
You’re being very judgmental, and I don’t think it’s getting anyone anywhere. The way I see it, op only meant he was tired of hiding his autistic traits. He didn’t go on saying he’d ignore every social convention. You are right about people who use their condition to excuse their behaviour, but that’s not what’s going on, here. If you need op to clarify his position, do so, but don’t start making assumptions and pass them as truth.
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I’m also undiagnosed, which doesn’t mean I’m any less autistic. What exact harmful behaviour did op say he wanted to excuse by being supposedly autistic? Look, I know what you say comes from a good place, but all you’re doing is throw accusations around because you ‘kinda know what you’re talking about’, whatever that’s supposed to prove. I agree with you, autism isn’t a disability in and of itself, but it can disable you, in certain cases, because what you call ‘human variation’ isn’t how most people are or act, and it can lead to feelings of ostracism and also isolation. While I believe being diagnosed is usually the better option, not everyone has the opportunity to be, for many reasons. And yeah, separating false self-diagnoses from reals ones is ideal, and using autism as an excuse is, well, inexcusable. But op’s situation seems genuine to me, and your reaction which, again, surely comes from a good place, isn’t helping anyone.