I think doing your fair share is a trick position. It sounds right, and it’s technically right, but when you focus on it you can easily be led astray from achieving it. Focusing on trying to balance needs, wants, responsibilities, and capacity is better.

If one partners’ capacity is reduced due to illness or a depressive episode the answer isn’t necessarily to have the other partner take on everything, it’s to reevaluate what needs to be done with the capacity that’s shared. Dinners might start leaning towards pasta with jarred sauce and the home may get messier because some rest for the more capable partner may very well be a bigger need than more complicated and varied meals or than keeping everything vacuumed as often.

And in this vein, especially starting out if your partner can’t or won’t carry their own weight (ie meet their own needs) it’s a sign to ask yourself if the added responsibilities they’d impose on you are worth it.