hey y’all,
I don’t get how I’m supposed to call a friend or a health line during a suicidal episode - I don’t want anyone to talk me out of it, so why would I call them? I know I’m supposed to, but it is completely ridiculous at the time.
Background - I have post-natal depression as a man, so I live with my partner and our baby but I feel pretty much separated from her (though we are working on it). I don’t trust my family or my friends, even the ones that have reached out to me with their own mental health stuff. I can talk about mental health stuff sometimes, but I can’t seem to reach out during an episode - it feels embarrassing and pointless. The only thing that really helps and keeps me going is the sense of responsibility I have towards myself that I’ve promised to parent myself and take care of myself. So I do mirror talk every day, but often don’t think of doing this during an episode.
the only thing that helped me was really deciding I wasn’t going to artificially end my life. one, the kids, two fuck God, if he wants me dead he can come down here and kill me himself, until then, I’m gonna keep getting back up and struggling till it’s over beyond my control.
on the other hand, if you’re capable of having a social support structure, you desperately need one, and counciling could work, you just need to tell the first three councilors you pull it’s not gonna work at all, until it does work. there’s a lot of people who suck at their job.