BP2. I’ve been in a depressive episode for almost 2 weeks now and I just can’t fucking deal right now. I run my own business and I’m ready to fire one client and to tell another to take their project elsewhere. I know, I KNOW I should not be making decisions like this in this state, but I just can’t handle it anymore. I basically quit in the middle of a meeting this morning because I couldn’t handle another pedantic fucking conversation, and now everyone is messaging me asking if I’m OK, and I’m not. And there’s really fun work that I should be focusing on, but I’m too preoccupied with the crap stuff, and I only have like 1/10th of the energy I should have, anyway, so I can barely muster the energy to just exist.
Thanks for reading. Maybe tell me to not screw up my life right now. Or tell me to go for it. I’m good either way.
Short version: Not great.
Long version: I keep thinking the depressive episode will end, but it’s lingering. Unfortunately things have gone rather sour with the clients I mentioned above. I actually got pulled into a meeting where they pointed out that I’ve been rude and making their team uncomfortable, which was a weird eye opener, because I didn’t even realize I was doing that. I think I knew that things were getting away from me some, but I didn’t know I had basically lost control of how I behave in front of others, which is a scary thought.
Anyway, still dealing with the fallout from all that, but I’m hoping that with fewer stressers in the near future, I can find the time to re-center and get out of this episode.