I am my gfs first partner, she is my second. The girl I dated prior (for 6 months) was a vlogger and for like 3 months made a lotta relationship and prank videos wth me which I was fine with at the time. Now my current gf is my first ever real crush and Ive been into her for a decade.
So my gf stalked my ex somehow, idk how consodering Im not on social media myself (this account is the literal exception). She then asked a LOT of questions about my ex, I dodged just about every question. After that she just pulled away and was distant and would barely talk to me or meet up. She finally told me she found my ex’s yt channel and watched every single thing on there.
Now I think Ive been VERY understanding and comforting to her, reassuring her literally every day since, being very loving and romantic to the point of cringing myself out. But she never really got over what she saw, idk if she rewatched that stuff or not but it was def smth thats always been in the back of her mind. She also knows that I broke up with my ex since I was moving countries and not bc the relationship was bad.
Now for the terrible part, smth i truly did not remember was that me and my ex had made a more personal video which was still saved somewhere on my laptop. I absolutely did not know of this and if I did I woulda gotten rid of it. Now my gf has access to my laptop (with my approval ofc) and she somehow stumbled upon it, I caught her curled up in my bed absolutely bawling her eyes out with the video playing on my desk. I have never felt this disgusting.
This is the first time my gf has denied my hug for comfort or just been so repulsed by me, she wont touch me while i explained everything, I deleted said video infront of her and begged her for a week. First she told me she needed to think things over but knowing her she wanted me chasing and I did just that, second week Ive given her space and theres been no change. We have had 2 dry 5 min convos in the last week.
How do I fix this or make it upto her???
Tl;dr: Gf found an old personal video involving an ex and wont talk to me anymore.
Consider telling the truth and then reassuring? (even if it’s stretching the truth a little. Better than straight lying)
“We had sex right away. I wish we had spent more time developing our relationship before it became physical” or “we waited to be intimate. At the time, I thought the sex was good, but I didn’t realize what it could be until I experienced sex with you.” There’s no version in a young relationship with someone as inexperienced or insecure as you described where she’s going to be able to handle the thought that it was as good / better with another woman. Just focus on how good it is with her / what a good connection you have with her.
“I did see myself possibly marrying her at the time. I’m so glad I didn’t. I ended up exactly where I’m supposed to be.” My husband was engaged before me. It was so hard early in our relationship, but I couldn’t blame him for something that happened before he knew me. The only thing that actually helped: time.
Thank you. Thats what I try to do with other questions she asked but these felt just a bit much.