I fall in and out of consciousness, basically. I wake up at random times and fall asleep at random times. I missed my therapy session because of this. I also cannot sit normally. I’m tired and cannot function. “Best” part my surgeon thought to reduce my sick leave from 2 weeks to 1, but thankfully a GP gave me 2. I just hope I actually recover. I still haven’t called the hospital about a checkup, because it’s far and I don’t yet feel safe making the journey and cannot afford taking a taxi back and forth.

Today morning I woke up at 5 completely unable to focus my eyes, but also completely unable to fall back asleep. I’ve never experienced such a thing. My eyes would unzoom from any text I tried reading basically immediately.

The first few days I was super swollen with little pain, but since the swelling went down, it hurts. The wound healing looks the worst from all the wounds I’ve had, subjectively judged anyway. I fear I’ll need another surgery. One part of the wound literally feels as if they implanted a small-ish completely hard ball under my skin. Yes, yes, I know, go for a checkup - I will once I literally can.

I just woke up after 19:00 and I don’t even remember when I fell asleep. I guess I’m extra cranky about it, because it’s super dark outside.

I don’t feel like my life is in any danger at all and I feel super guilty unable to work, even though I don’t believe I am capable of working in any form as is.

I just sat for ages trying to figure out how to finish this, but I just wanted to vent, so sending as is.