I fall in and out of consciousness, basically. I wake up at random times and fall asleep at random times. I missed my therapy session because of this. I also cannot sit normally. I’m tired and cannot function. “Best” part my surgeon thought to reduce my sick leave from 2 weeks to 1, but thankfully a GP gave me 2. I just hope I actually recover. I still haven’t called the hospital about a checkup, because it’s far and I don’t yet feel safe making the journey and cannot afford taking a taxi back and forth.
Today morning I woke up at 5 completely unable to focus my eyes, but also completely unable to fall back asleep. I’ve never experienced such a thing. My eyes would unzoom from any text I tried reading basically immediately.
The first few days I was super swollen with little pain, but since the swelling went down, it hurts. The wound healing looks the worst from all the wounds I’ve had, subjectively judged anyway. I fear I’ll need another surgery. One part of the wound literally feels as if they implanted a small-ish completely hard ball under my skin. Yes, yes, I know, go for a checkup - I will once I literally can.
I just woke up after 19:00 and I don’t even remember when I fell asleep. I guess I’m extra cranky about it, because it’s super dark outside.
I don’t feel like my life is in any danger at all and I feel super guilty unable to work, even though I don’t believe I am capable of working in any form as is.
I just sat for ages trying to figure out how to finish this, but I just wanted to vent, so sending as is.
Your body was cut into, pieces cut and changed. Inflammation everywhere to make it easier for your immune system (which is in overdrive) to get every intruder.
Your body has to redirect resources to rebuild, stitch and repair tissue while also building new cells for the immune system, etc.
You’ll be alright but try and go easy on yourself. If your body is tired then it’s tired and it’s not a failing on your part. Your body knows what it needs. So get rest, eat and drink well as per your doctors orders and go easy on yourself.
I know, I know, it’s far from my first surgery. But I feel useless and anxious. I’m anxious because I’m not doing anything, but I’m too anxious to do anything. I cannot explain it any better. Thanks for responding btw.
If it helps any… you’re actually exerting effort to not do anything. Taking time doing nothing is a huge time expense.
So good job. But yeah, you’ll feel like that but it’s alright. Both to feel that way and to keep doing what you’re doing.
As an update:
I went to the hospital today morning because I couldn’t reach them via a phone. Ended up sent to emergency. Waited quite a long time there. They checked all and in spite of the massive pain flare up, the wound looks good to them. I was given some anti-septic just in case and sent back home, which I’m happy with, I just wish the pain went back to how it was before or even lower.
Glad you’re ok. Hope you get to feeling better soon.
Thank you. Much appreciated. The swelling got worse again, but the pain is somewhat down again, so it’s a welcome correlation or causation. ^ ^
Many of us have been ingrained to think that not working is inherently bad. It’s actually far from the truth. Many people would be much better off if they took the time to heal themselves, in a lot of ways (physically, mentally, emotionally). It’s just that some societies frown on any sort of imperfection, as if we should never want to take time off work… It’s a false narrative that is spread for the sake of profits.
Try not to let that “productivity” grind mindset hold you back. Small steps. Small victories. Let them build into the big progress you need to be healthy. Yes, recovery can mean having to push your boundaries and put in effort into getting better. But set reasonable standards and goals. Then go get them.
Better, brighter days ahead. And at least your surgery is now in the rear-view mirror!
I won’t make a new thread, but it’s 1 am and I realized I didn’t get new bandages due to me being knocked out through the day. I also don’t like how the wound is looking and I think I’ll go to the hospital tomorrow to have it checked. As it’s a hospital, it doesn’t list opening hours so I’ve no idea what time they might start accepting non-emergency patients and cannot find it, but I think I’ll aim for getting there around 8. I hope they’ll be able to accept me.
If my sutures fail, I genuinely believe the wound would open half of its length and it’s been 8 days since the surgery. It’s scary. My biggest issue anyway is my mind isn’t there. I keep forgetting stuff and cannot recall them. I wonder if it’s from painkillers, since I don’t have a fever, but it was like this when I didn’t take painkillers, so maybe from blood loss? IDK. Really tired of forgetting everything all the time.
