Mine certainly hasn’t. I feel like I’ve had 27 years of downward spiral.
I’ve been slowly, but steadily collecting more and more people to miss, Watching my finances get worse and worse. My body is starting to fall apart. My life is boring, lonely and grueling. Every time I take a step forward in one area I take a step back in all the others. Therapy has been worse than useless, loved ones stop caring eventually, casual friends just disappear into the ether without a trace.
I wish I hadn’t gotten “lucky” during my previous suicide attempts, because I definitely can’t try that anymore. I wish someone could just do it for me, without me ever expecting it.
But your 30s are supposed to be easier. More stable. It’s hard to believe that’ll be the case for me, going into them with no connection to my past, no money, no marketable skills.
Thirteen years ago, I was 25 and working two dead end retail jobs. I got back into school and made a move across the country to finish my bachelor’s. It was one of the scariest things I’ve done: to move somewhere where I had no social safety net.
Since then I’ve dealt with all-nighters, heartbreak, warrants, promotions, a couple weird relationships, my own inner demons, and more than a few car accidents.
But today, I’m in a stable relationship with someone I love, I have good friends that I can call to help bury a body, my family loves me at my own pace (boundaries are important), and I’m doing some good for my community.
I still have a long way to go to get what I want, but I’m grateful for how far I’ve come and what I’ve learned along the way. And I think that’s the crux of your 30’s, to be able to remember what the past was like, but still look forward to what’s yet to come and what you plan for yourself.
Keep going, homie. You got this.
DM me if you want a mentor.