What helped you make the decision to be child-free? How do I be sure about what I want? Looking for recommendation - resources, articles, books etc.
My partner just let me know he would be ready to start trying in a year. My head just spun. I am not ready now at 31 (as a woman and my clock is going tick-tock) and I don’t think I will ever be ready. I am neither excited about the process of birthing nor does a crying pooping tantrum-throwing machine excite me!
How I made the decision: asked myself do I want to have children because that is what I want or because that is what is expected/wanted by others? For me, it was the latter. I have been incredibly happy with the decision, though I’m also incredibly fortunate and privileged to be in the spot my partner and I are in.
My partner and I had the luxury of me being in grad school as the “excuse” for why we hadn’t had kids. Then student loans. But at a certain point that was unfair to us and our parents. My partner is an only child so her parents won’t have grandkids. I have a brother who has kids.
Avoiding uncomfortable conversations and putting the wants of other people before yours is something we all do. However, doing that with bringing a whole living being is, in my opinion, a recipe for fucking disaster.
If you want kids because you want to, then you should. If you don’t want kids because you don’t, then you shouldn’t. If your partner is on a different wavelength, you need to have a very adult conversation. The decision to bring a life into this world (especially at this point) is huge. This is also not a conversation to convince the other person you’re right (this goes for your partner too).
I hope you are able to make this decision in a way that fits best for you.