I still look really bad, like nothing has happened, can I Just not expect better results, is this the end of the road. I know people always tell me “your beaitful inside” (im not mad at them) and shit like that
I still look really bad, like nothing has happened, can I Just not expect better results, is this the end of the road. I know people always tell me “your beaitful inside” (im not mad at them) and shit like that
Do you feel like you’re going through a rough patch right now, or have you truly not noticed any progress since beginning? Never had any gender euphoria?
Like I go through these rough patches sometimes where I get down on myself and feel like I’m ugly and there’s no hope of ever being seen as a woman. Irrational thoughts. They are only temporary, and then I realize all the progress I’ve made and the changes still occurring. I feel silly for having despaired. At these times, it’s important to be patient and control what you can, practice self-love, and work on little things to achieve your goals.
Whereas if you truly feel like two years of HRT hasn’t had any feminizing effect, then I think a more in-depth reevaluation is required. It should absolutely change your body, though to what extent is different for everyone. In general, you can count on breast growth and softening of the skin. If you haven’t noticed that, then I would recommend seeing an endo because maybe your body has some hormonal issue.
Assuming you really have experienced changes, let’s talk about your goals and transition plan. Have you thought about that? HRT is an important piece of the puzzle for us, but it’s not everything. Like trying to bake a cake with only an egg, that’s not gonna work, you need all the other ingredients.
I have a whole list of transition-related tasks, goals, and progress markers. For example, electrolysis hair removal and voice therapy are two tasks I have started in the past month. Early 2024, I plan surgical consultations, which I have my therapist writing a letter for right now. My partner and I have plans to get makeovers and professional makeup advice. This year, I changed my name and pronouns at work, began dressing more fem in public, wore a full bikini to the beach. I’m exploring what hair and clothing styles feel most authentic after a lifetime of apathy. So it’s all falling into place, and very little of that is about HRT. Even my breasts have grown by a cup size this year, and are rounding out nicely.
The point I want to make is that it took over two years to reach the point where I had confidence to do all those things. We’re still baby trans after all. There’s not like any strict time limits on any of this, but we will change continuously for the rest of our lives. Just make sure you take an active hand in shaping yourself and your identity, if you can do that I think you’ll be very surprised by what is possible :)
I can’t afford an endo, I can really only get my levels checked which seems fine, but I feel like maybe my body can’t do anything with all the estrogen in my body
That is possible… I have heard of transfems who don’t have the typical response to HRT.
Still, I would suggest pursuing all other avenues before giving up.
In many places, if you’re poor, you can get some kind of health coverage that includes specialist visits (with referral from your PCP). Ive been broke af before and was able to see a podiatrist for my ankle thanks to state medicaid – in a red state where they constantly undermine medicaid. Is it a hassle? Yes. Is it worth it? Also yes.
You could try other routes of estradiol. Patches, injections, pills, I’ve switched several times and each time is the start of new changes. Increasing dosage, taking a DHT blocker, adding an AA, even with low T levels you might see a benefit. Try progesterone. Endocrinology is still kinda black magic like most medical fields when you dig deep enough. Nobody has all the answers.
And honey what I would do beyond all of that is attack your dysphoria from other angles. Find a way to distract yourself from whatever HRT may or may not be doing. Because it works so slowly and subtly. You may be 6 months to a year from seeing big changes - what happens until then?
You need to work on things to boost your self-esteem: clothes, makeup, self-care, I know money is required for almost everything and that sucks. My friend just gave me a leather jacket and skirt… Being a goth/punk girl I crave this look. Trying them on was omg, pure euphoria. I look way better than I think. You do too, you just gotta fight to learn that. Find your style, find your confidence <3
What if HRT will never be effective for me, like what if there isn’t any hrt that can help me. I’ve switched to injections which I’ve gotten some breast growth, my skin also cleared but after 2 years I would of expected more changes. I’m assuming I can’t be helped and I should just give up. I can’t get Medicaid right now as that would fuck up so many other things.
Sounds like you might not have had the most realistic expectations going in…
If you’ve had breast growth and skin improvements (softening, clearing etc), those are the main super obvious differences you’ll see. Approaching three years, my breasts have increased a cup size and are shaping nicely, with no signs of stopping – so don’t assume it’s all over after two years.
I have noticed more subtle changes like: face shape changing slightly due to fat and muscle changes, eye shape and size changing slightly, some subtle thinning of body hair, some thickening of hair on scalp. But these are very minor, when I feel dysphoric I don’t even notice them.
What are the other changes you expected? Maybe they can be achieved or simulated by other means.