“Garfield, what are you doing texting your ex?! And don’t you know that she died in the wreck? No matter what people try to tell you, it was your fault. You knew you shouldn’t have cut that corner but ‘no one ever drives down this road,’ you told yourself. She’s not coming back, Garfield. You need to stop calling her phone at night. Have you even thought about what you would do if she actually picked up? You silly orange cat!”