I shined a torch in my wife’s sleeping face this morning at 5am.

I didn’t mean to, I was looking for my ear tunnel, it had fallen out in the night and I didn’t want to go a day at work with a cats arsehole for an ear lobe.

I looked for my spare ones first, I really didn’t want to be that guy, I’m a night person.

Anyway I sent her this and she had to remind me I was a bastard.

She’s right.