When I was in high school, I really, really wanted to play football (egg ball, for the non-Americans.) Went to the camp before starting my freshman year, had a lot of fun, was decently good and by all accounts would have started. Finally got the waiver to bring home, basically “your kid might get hurt and we ain’t paying for shit” and so ended my football career. I actually probably need to make a phone call after this one, because I do remember being told we don’t have insurance and that’s why I couldn’t play, and I do remember being both pretty obstinate that I would not get hurt and this was basically an impossibility (youth, am I right?) and being an asshole because there was probably no bigger injustice in the world.

Of course, now I know that probably a single trip to the ER for anything would have probably bankrupted my family.

And you all are robbed because you don’t have me now as a great football start to look up to (just kidding, I was slightly above average in a small town.)

Anyway, America. 'Tis a stupid place, let’s not go there.