I need to vent. Mods, if this kind of thing isn’t welcome in this community anymore…oh well. It helped me feel better at least typing my thoughts into the void.
I got married to a wonderful, beautiful woman in 2021 after being together for 5 years. My parents are big cruise fanatics. They go on vacation like this about once every year or two. We both told them before the wedding - because they did this for my brother when he got married - they can get us whatever they want for a wedding gift, just PLEASE no cruises.
And they listened! We got some very nice, very expensive bedsheets that were perfect!
Fast forward a year. I get a call. My parents booked a 4 day cruise to Mexico over the week after Christmas '23. I’m not particularly assertive, but I was offering pushback on it. I got told shit like “you’re getting a free vacation” and “how many opportunities like this are you going to get” and “we tried our best to accommodate you.”
My wife also didn’t want it. Neither of us asked for this. But after a few months of talking about it, both of us agreed: it’s free, let’s give it a fair shake.
Fair shake given. We tried our best to like this. I’m writing this from my cabin docked at Cozumel. We deboarded the ship for 15 minutes and were immediately overwhelmed by the crowd. We turned around, went back to our cabin and are now sleeping the day away. Maybe we’ll hit up the hot tub before everybody comes back. The crowd is too much. The longer I spend on this gargantuan vessel, the smaller it gets.
My brother, his wife, and their two small kids are also here. I think they’re also pretty exhausted. It seems like my parents have gone out of their way to spend time with that foursome. As for me, I only get notifications once they’re already somewhere and I have to catch up. I got a message saying “We’re at Senor Frogs.” I did not get “We’re going to Senor Frogs. Wanna meet up?”
I feel like a piece of shit for not appreciating it. I feel invisible because I didn’t ask for this. And I feel angry because I feel like an afterthought. I feel like I got invited to this because my parents wanted to spend a week with my brother’s kids and I was given a ticket to tag along so I wouldn’t feel left out. I wouldn’t have felt left out by not being invited to something I didn’t want. I wouldn’t feel left out if I had been given the opportunity to say no.
I’m just burnt tf out. I want my house. With my quarter acre. And my neighbor with the stupid subwoofer. I want my bed (that doesn’t rock because it’s on solid ground), my cats, my dog, my plaid pajamas, my cold weather, and my coffee back at home in Oklahoma. I would have rather stayed home and built puzzles with my (also puzzle-loving) wife for a week. We are slow-paced, solitary, almost antisocial creatures. I’m wired differently from my family. And though I feel guilty for being unappreciative of their gesture, I won’t feel ashamed of being different. I didn’t ask to be this way.
Anyway, if you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading my rant. I’m done. We shove off back for the States in an hour or so. We’re over the hill. We’ll be home soon, and I will never do this again.
I took my wife on a cruise even though they aren’t really my thing. The thing about cruises is you sort of have to lean into them. If you want to do much at the ports of call you need to plan ahead and typically book the excursions they offer. If you want to just chill, then you can view the ship as basically a floating all you can eat buffet with 24/7 self serve soft serve.
My wife and I both enjoyed the excursions (horse back riding, kayaking, dinners) we also just read in the sun on the decks and went for the couples massage (highly recommended).
It sounds like you might not be big into traveling, and hey, that’s ok. It’s ok to spend time in the cabin, it’s ok to read in the sun, and you don’t have to hang with the crowds or get drunk. Give yourself permission to enjoy what you enjoy and avoid what you don’t.
If you do have the money I would suggest booking one of the paid dinners they usually offer and doing a couple massage. Those are usually quiet and relaxing. Likewise, find out of the way spots on deck and just chill away from the noise.
If nothing else you can view this as a great learning experience both in figuring out what you do and don’t like, and in seeing and sticking firm to boundaries with family.
Best of luck!
Edited to add: that sucks about feeling left out. I suspect some of it is your parents focusing on the grandkids. It could also be they picked up on some of your anxiety and have been giving you space. Either way, of you want to go with them, when they say hey went to senor frogs, reply awesome, let me know next time you head out and I’ll come. One thing I learned in life is if you always decline invites, eventually you stop being invited. So, invite your self if you want that to change.
Best regards!
Our maybe they just don’t like cruises? They never made sense to me and what you describe sounds like the worst form of “travelling” to me.
OP could be a cat for all I know. We’re just trying to give him helpful advice with what we can quickly infer from one post. If something doesn’t quit hit the mark, I trust OP knows themselves will enough to ignore it. No need to dissect things.
Sure. But then OP says something like
… and maybe it might matter a tad whether it makes any sense that they don’t like traveling at all and whether they should take that view to heart.
My comment was not (EDITED) about you or getting into a fight with you, it was about how the OP should feel about not liking a cruise trip.
People confusing getting “couples massage” with actual travelling. Cruise ship people can be worse the vegans sometimes.
Sounds like OP doesn’t like the crowds in and around the boat and it’s destinations. Idk about you but most tourist destinations I’ve been to are really crowded. Doesn’t really matter how people get to those locations, but they are packed.
Maybe op doesn’t like traveling to crowded tourist destinations. Maybe op doesn’t like travel (which usually is about going to tourist destinations… crowded places).
The couples massage suggestion was obviously one to say “hey you sound overwhelmed with the tourist stuff, how about you try this low volume activity?”
That’s right, I suggested couples massage not because it is the epitome of travel but because it’s something he could go do immediately that doesn’t require booking months ago with a time machine, and it’s relaxing. Dudes obviously stressed.
It’s really amusing seeing some folks (not you) trip over themselves to gatekeep what travel is to someone like me whose climbed extensively around the world. Like yeah, trekking the remote corners of the world is awesome, but that doesn’t make getting a nice massage with your wife a bad time, lol. Not everything in life needs to be a purist expression of a hobby or passion.
I think the fact it’s a cruise is completely besides the point of the story. You could pretty much replace it with any other type of travel or experience and the story would remain the same.
Nah, cruises are particularly awful. Overconsumption runs rampant in these gigantic Petri dishes where any virus will have a hay day. The pollution and wastefulness involved in cruises are huge deterrents for anyone with half a caring brain cell. They’re fucking gross.
Well, the moral of my post is that it’s ok to like what you like and set boundaries, sprinkled with some general life and cruise advice. I’d give much the same advice if they had been booked in a hotel somewhere for a week since the real dynamic here is family.
Except that a cruise is neither travel nor an experience. Show some respect for poor op.
I greatly enjoyed my cruise in the spring from NL to Norway and Sweden and back. I wouldn’t have traveled to Oslo otherwise. And the experience of crossing the vast water ways and seeing all the off shore wind farms was something I greatly value
Cruises might not be your preference, but they are travel and experience
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