Almost every jar of pickles claims a serving of pickles has zero calories. Now clearly, this is incorrect and the result of exploiting some ridiculous FDA loophole, since anyone knows that cucumbers provide calories.

So let’s say you’re in a situation where you lose all access to food, but you’ve got effectively unlimited access to pickles – like, you’re trapped inside a recently abandoned pickle warehouse.

Could you conceivably eat enough pickles to survive for a month? Two months? Or would your body just shut down from all the sodium and acid?

  • Punkie
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    11 months ago

    Well, it really reminds me of that famous GreenText about pickles

    • @frickineh
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      4411 months ago

      Oh good, it’s not just me. I came here to say that the odds of shitting pure pickle juice are way too high to make it worth the risk.

    • snooggums
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      4311 months ago

      If anyone hasn’t had a butt cam (colonoscopy) before, this basically describes the process for flushing out before the procedure, except the stuff they give you doesn’t taste as good as pickles.

      • Punkie
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        911 months ago

        Hah! It’s so true.

          • @[email protected]
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            11 months ago

            If you’ve had a stomach flu of that variety, it totally is.

            I’ve had a flu so bad I barfed every ~ 30 minutes for over 12 hours.

            By the end my throat was on fire

            • ArxCyberwolf
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              611 months ago

              Stomach acid is also why people with some eating disorders like bulimia have badly eroded teeth. The acid from throwing up constantly eats away at your teeth.

              • @[email protected]
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                311 months ago

                Yep. I’m always careful to rinse my mouth thoroughly after barfing, even if still nauseous

                • @[email protected]
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                  111 months ago

                  Just don’t immediately brush! It weakens your enamel, so swish and spit, and wait like half an hour to brush

                • @thawed_caveman
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                  111 months ago

                  And the acidity makes normal tap water taste sweet as if it has sugar in it, it’s pretty neat

            • @thawed_caveman
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              211 months ago

              But in this situation you can drink water and wash it down, preventing acid damage to your eusophagus. The author of this greentext can’t get water into their intestines.

              • @[email protected]
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                11 months ago

                Did I say I was trying to solve for greentext’s situation?

                My comment is clearly related to vomiting

        • @OrderedChaos
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          311 months ago

          It’s a much shorter distance from stomach to mouth.

      • @fidodo
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        211 months ago

        Could we evolve to spit stomach acid on command and burn our enemies

    • @thawed_caveman
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      1011 months ago

      Question answered OP, this will be your daily life until the sweet relief of death