Hey everyone, first time posting. Hoping there are others with similar
experiences who can share insight, but at minimum I want to put my thoughts
down. I [29MtF] am pre-everything, but have accepted I am trans for the last 4
years with the understanding I would never transition. Continuing to live as a
man in spite of myself seemed realistic. My dysphoria was never really that bad,
so even though the idea of being a woman was amazing, I could always push it
aside easily and continue with my life. Sure, I would have bad days where
dysphoria would get me down, thinking things like: “Why can’t I look like her?
Why does it have to be such a big deal if I want to transition? Why would so
many people hate me for being who I want to be?” But as always, these times
would come and go. I could grin and bear it, pressing on to another day. My wife
of 6 years is fantastic. I love her more than the day we were married, and we
have a child on the way. In the past, I have been open with her about my general
preference towards femininity. While she accepts this and loves me for it, I
have never properly told her I think of myself as transgender. She and I both
come from a background where being trans is considered wrong, and I know she
still thinks that even though we are both supporting and accepting of our LGBTQ+
friends. In the last year, one of my closest childhood friends told me he was
gay. He and I regularly get drinks together, and mostly tell each other
everything. When he came out to me, I told him I was trans. We have both been
able to support each other, mostly as confidants while he deals with backlash
from his family. I wish I could tell my wife as easily as I told my friend, but
obviously that has more potential consequences. The more time passes with me
accepting who I am inside, the more natural it becomes to think of myself that
way. This unfortunately has made dysphoria a more frequent and intense
experience. Additionally, there have been a handful of incredibly euphoric
experiences I have had in the last year. My wife and I cosplayed a lesbian
couple at a con this summer, which was the first time I dressed femme in public.
Also, with my wife’s pregnancy, I have been wearing some of her maternity
clothes (shorts, sweatpants) around the house since those fit me surprisingly
well. (Also justice for all of my hoodies she has claimed over the years) I know
for certain that transitioning would sever ties with almost all of my family and
friends. Further, my wife would have a difficult time deciding what our future
together would look like, assuming it continued at all. Despite her open
mindedness, our shared religious beliefs would ultimately inform the outcome. I
wish it wasn’t so hard to keep pretending. I’m just so tired.
Link to my first post. When we were sharing our new year’s resolutions with each other earlier this month, I told her I want to he more true to myself, and more honest with her. I told her she deserves that, and that I love her.
We have talked about having “a conversation” soon. For us, we understand this to mean at least 2-3 hours where we sit down intending to talk without being interrupted. Time has continued to get away from us as we are settling into being parents as well with a 2 month old.
We have each made mentions of, “the conversation”, and how we haven’t forgotten, just haven’t had the right moment yet.
Girls, I am just so proud of myself for taking this step. Even though nothing has really happened yet, it feels like more has happened in the last month than in my entire life.
Did I say anywhere in my comment that a trans-parent couldnt parent a kid? What the fuck are YOU talking about?
Your wife is still recovering from having a child, and being parents is already a HUGE life transition. You didn’t even give her the option of being able to walk away, instead you’ve saddled her with something that will permanently anchor you two together for better or for worse.
You said this as if OP isn’t going to help parent their child.
It’d be one thing if they had this conversation before having a child, but OP didn’t.
No no, you’re right, OP should just shut up and stayed closeted forever.
He’s
She’s*
known about it for years (see his
her*
previous post), and instead of either a.) Opening up to her prior to getting pregnant, or b.) putting off getting pregnant until he
she*
Did I say anywhere in my comment that a trans-parent couldnt parent a kid? What the fuck are YOU talking about
btw lmao
was sure about it, he
she*
instead decided to continue hiding it and robbing her of any sort of choice in the matter.
yeah fuck you OP, stay in the closet.
Just because I’m not okay with robbing someone’s spouse of any sense of agency and choice in whether they want to continue to have kids with this person (i.e. baby trapping someone), doesn’t mean I don’t support people coming out and transitioning, so you can climb all the fucking way off my back on that one. OP still needs to be honest with her about it, but she’s 2 months post birth. What she needs right now is stability.
What is this narrative that having a kid with a trans person is ROBBING someone of agency?
Did I say anywhere in my comment that a trans-parent couldnt parent a kid? What the fuck are YOU talking about?
again lmao
My wife would have had a meltdown if there wasn’t Mac and cheese in the house at 2 months post pregnancy, I can’t even begin of imagine the levels of chaos that would be introduced at this point post-pregnancy.
A trans person transitioning isn’t the burden of other people, fuck off with that noise. It doesn’t take much effort at all to support your spouse in transitioning, and OP can continue to be a good spouse and parent while transitioning.
You said this as if OP isn’t going to help parent their child.
No, never once did I say that. But don’t let that impede your narrative.
No no, you’re right, OP should just shut up and stayed closeted forever.
Wow, if you finished my post, you’d see I never once said that either.
It’s like your just angry that I’m not flat out supporting someone regardless of anyone that gets hurt in the process, OP made a selfish decision by deciding to get pregnant before having this conversation, and it really sucks that you’re failing to grasp that. He should still absolutely come out…but, maybe wait until things have stabilized around the house a bit.
You said this as if OP isn’t going to help parent their child.
No no, you’re right, OP should just shut up and stayed closeted forever.
She’s*
her*
she*
btw lmao
she*
yeah fuck you OP, stay in the closet.
What is this narrative that having a kid with a trans person is ROBBING someone of agency?
again lmao
A trans person transitioning isn’t the burden of other people, fuck off with that noise. It doesn’t take much effort at all to support your spouse in transitioning, and OP can continue to be a good spouse and parent while transitioning.
No, never once did I say that. But don’t let that impede your narrative.
It’s like your just angry that I’m not flat out supporting someone regardless of anyone that gets hurt in the process, OP made a selfish decision by deciding to get pregnant before having this conversation, and it really sucks that you’re failing to grasp that. He should still absolutely come out…but, maybe wait until things have stabilized around the house a bit.