I’m young, I’m male, I’m gay and a “side” (side = neither top nor bottom, I just don’t like anal sex at all).

The question might be weird, but serious: How do I get started with non-anal sex (e.g. oral, handjobs or frotting)?

I’d like to start using Grindr or similar and meet people, but:

  • not liking anal sex eliminates what most people like to do. Are there even people on Grindr like me? Most of the profiles are like “top”, “bottom”, “versatile”, but all with a focus on anal sex.
  • oral sex is kind of a difficult topic. Doing it without a condom with a person you’ve never seen before feels unsafe. Doing it with a condom feels weird.
  • When doing handjobs or frotting, at least the topic “safer sex” is pretty much gone, but it could be difficult to find people for that.
  • should I try to get something like PrEP? Is it even worth it in my situation when I’m at “step zero”?

Anyone here with a similar situation or with tips for me?

  • Midnight WolfEnglish
    2•11 months ago

    Oh hey - I share this struggle. I’m (identify as) a demisexual switch, but anal is eh unless I’m with someone I really like (my master, for example); and even then it’s a very ‘in the mood’ thing. Butt stuff just isn’t very appealing to me.

    I tried grindr a few times a decade ago, and never got anywhere, but it’s heavily based on location ofc. I use other communities to meet people (…pfp) and once I’ve met up and got comfortable with someone, it’s very ‘just teasing, frotting, jerking, and oral’. It’s an awkward discussion but I don’t want things to get steamy and then ruined because differing expectations.

    Just put what you want out there - yeah it’s going to turn away lots of guys, but this is about what you want, not others. If they have a problem with it, (don’t) fuck em.