I could use some honest advice from experienced programmers and engineers.
I’m almost at the two year mark as a developer. On paper I might look like a passable Junior Dev, but if you sat me down and asked me about algorithms or anything else I did to get my job in the first place I would be clueless. I can solve problems and always get my work done, but I don’t even know the language/framework I use daily well enough to explain what’s going on, I can just do things. I don’t think I have imposter syndrome, I think I really might have let any skill I had atrophy.
I used to enjoy programming as a hobby in my spare time, but in two years I’ve opened the IDE on my personal machine no more than twice. People talk about all the side projects they have, but I have none. I feel too stressed out from the job to do any programming outside of work, even though I love it. I feel like I can’t level up from a Junior to Senior because I either don’t have the headspace or the will to do so. It doesn’t help that the job I’ve had has taught me very little and my dev team has been a shitshow from the beginning.
At the moment I have an offer on the table to do a job that isn’t engineering (but still tech) and it surprisingly pays more. Part of me thinks I should take that job, rediscover my passion in my spare time and build my skills, but I fear I might go down this route and never be able to come back to engineering. Not that I’m sure I want to.
It might sound defeatist but I don’t think I’ll ever be a top 5% or even 25% engineer. I could be average with a lot of work, but not great. I could potentially be great in the new field I’m being recruited for, but that’s also hard to say without being in the job.
I know that some people just aren’t cut out for being engineers. Maybe I have the aptitude but not the mentality to do this for 30+ years. I want to know if that’s what it sounds like to people who’ve seen that before. If you were in my position, would you walk away and just be a hobbyist programmer or stick it out and hope to be a mediocre engineer one day?
In my opinion you should take the opportunity and check if you will like this new job. And mind you in a lot of jobs there is room for some programming to automate some processes internally in the company if you feel like it.
But it is great that you acknowledge your weaknesses and accept them. I am also leading a team of sw devs and have a couple of juniors in my team and I try to dedicate enough time to them to explain to them more complex topics, give them recommendations on how to write better and more maintainable code, etc. And I have the feeling your lead isn’t doing much or showing interest in your work, which is a pity and very demotivating because I have been in your shoes before and know exactly the feeling.
And a bit of perspective, I have a guy in my team who is pretty smart and overall a great Dev, the problem is that it is extremely difficult to work with him, he doesn’t have a high working culture, thinks that others are stupid and doesn’t do his job well. I know how much he can but it is really a pain to work with him. Believe me I tried a lot of different approaches with him to make it work and so far with mixed results.
On the other hand I have a junior in my team who isn’t the best programmer and I believe he will never be, but he is very positive, works hard, really tries and in general has a very high work culture and it is so much more enjoyable to work with him, so you realise that skills and brain capacity aren’t everything and that sometimes work attitude is way more important.
I wish you all the best in your new endeavour and I hope you feel happier soon.