Background+rant: I’m in my early to mid-20s and still living at home with my dad. I’m not a NEET and am employed at a normal office job. I enjoy the comfort of my home. I like being with family (and I believe they feel blessed to have their kid at home longer). I like not having to pay rent. However, I also keep feeling some nagging pressure to “grow up and leave the nest”.

Everything in my mind tells me that moving out is irrational. I would lose 1/3rd of my income to rent, go through a bunch of logistical hoops to find a new place, lose the last few moments I have with my family, just so I can prove to nobody that I’m independent, maybe discover new things, and also probably get in on some of that loneliness action that the rest of my generation is going through.

Yet, the pressure is still there. No one looks down on me for it, but I feel a bit embarrassed to tell people I’m living at home, like I’m admitting failure or incompetency. My friends will occasionally ask when I’m planning on moving out and the question just lingers longer than it should in my head. I compare myself to my parents and grandparents and can’t help but feel like a child compared to the people they were when they were at my age.

Obviously quite conflicted on this, so I’m interested in seeing what others have to say.

  • @hanekam
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    414 months ago

    The main quesiton is what you want long term. If you want to eventually move in with a romantic partner, I would advice you to get used to independent living beforehand. Having to cook for and clean up after a partner who never learned to live without mommy and daddy is a huge turn-off for most people and can sour a relationship very fast. I would ask you these questions:

    Do you cook dinner for the household at least every week?

    Do you clean the kitchen yourself after cooking?

    Do you do the grocery shopping for the household?

    Do you often tidy up the pots and pans after meals (not just your own plates and cutlery)?

    Are you the one who takes a walk around the house putting away stray plates, glasses & clothes and tidying up? Do you do this at least once a day?

    When something breaks, are you often the one who repairs or replaces it?

    Is it typically tidier & neater when your parents are away than when they are home?

    If you want to live with a romantic partner in the future, and the answer to any of these is no, I suggest you have a long hard think about whether you’re preparing for the life you want, or just staying where it’s comfortable.

    • @[email protected]
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      fedilink
      104 months ago

      This is the key!

      There is nothing inherently in living with your parents until any age I would say. As long as you learn how to be a self sufficient and independent individual, who shares the responsibility of the household.