Someone recently told me that they sometimes feel gaslighted around me because I effortlessly make them question their beliefs and feelings. Hearing that didn’t sit well with me, especially since I’ve been pondering the question in the title for quite some time.
I’ve always been quite critical of myself and don’t consider myself a very nice person. When I discover that someone doesn’t enjoy being around me, I don’t blame them one bit. It’s not like I’m intentionally mean or abusive; quite the opposite, actually. I have very strong morals. However, this includes things like not lying, which means I always speak the truth, even if not everyone likes hearing it. I don’t conform to many social norms expected of me.
Despite all of this, I have deep relationships with several people and especially the elderly and for example the parents of my past girlfriends have all liked me a lot. But I can’t help but wonder why they don’t see me as I see myself. I worry that I’m hiding the true me so well that people don’t actually like me, but rather the facade I unknowingly maintain. Then again, a true psychopath probably wouldn’t be second-guessing themselves in this manner.
Some nights I lie awake rewriting the game dialogue options in my head so I can say what I gotta say without making NPCs sad.
So… no.
I feel you. Nothing worse than encountering a new topic of small talk that I hadn’t rehearsed for.
A person recently caught me off guard by telling me that their grand-child just had their first birthday. I later had to consult my girlfriend about how I’m supposed to react to that. Apparently I should’ve congratulated them… …for that it’s someone else’s birthday…? Yeah go figure. This is exactly the kind of thing that makes me feel so outsider in this world.