It’s not that I can’t. The problem is that when I’m with someone, I deeply yearn to be alone. I’d love to have my life for myself, with no responsibility with no one else - just me.
But then, when I’m alone, I feel like a failure, like I need a relationship to feel complete, and I fucking hate that. So I end up in another relationship, and after two years I can’t stand it anymore, and the cycle repeats.
What the hell. Has anyone suffered from something like that? How can you be alone and not feel lonely? How to kill this need to be with someone?
EDIT: Thanks for all the answers, I’m taking every single one into consideration. Please, keep them coming.
I try… I do play guitar and I like to draw, and ride my motorcycle, but then… I don’t know, I feel empty. I look at these things and enjoy doing them a lot, but when I stop I start asking, what’s the point? Nobody will see this or hear this or whatever. Why even bother? When I’m alone and go to a show or watch a movie I always enjoy the moment but get that dread after the deed, the “you’re doing this alone and this is wrong” feeling.
Okay well that’s the part that should change… when you play guitar… you play guitar good! Do you ever let yourself know that you love the way you play guitar? You like to draw… do you ever tell yourself that you love your drawings? Do you ever draw for yourself? Do you ever tell yourself that you’re going to draw something for you? When you ride your motorcycle do you think about yourself? Or do you just wish that you had somebody on the back of your motorcycle? Do you ever look at what you’re driving past? Nobody will see this or hear this… except you… why do you bother? Because you love you… what about you? When you’re alone and you go to a show or watch a movie… do you ever thank yourself for taking yourself out to a movie? You should love yourself… I feel like you’re screaming for yourself to love you and you don’t hear yourself