Hello all. I wanted to make this post because I feel like venting a bit. I know the “cure” to my problem is CBT or exposure therapy, but I was hoping to speak to like-minded people or anybody who feels like sharing their thoughts.
I hate that I’m not able to enjoy summer like most others. I hate that I flinch at the very sound of buzzing or the sight of flying insects. I know that it’s an irrational fear, I know it’s not normal and I know I look stupid when I cover my ears or flee into my room whenever I see or hear an insect. I’ve been told “they can’t hurt you, they’re nothing” so many times and I know they can’t hurt me but why is there minimal understanding of this phobia? I hate that whenever I tell people about this, I’m mostly met with “yeah they’re disgusting I hate them too”; it’s not that I find them disgusting, it’s that they cause me heart-pumping palm-sweating fear. It’s that I can’t enjoy landscapes and being out in the country like regular folks, I’m always alert and on the watch whenever I’m on an excursion because the fear and anxiety is so greatly installed in me. It’s that I sometimes end up hallucinating the buzzing sounds that jerks me awake.
This definitely sounds like self-pity, and honestly it is. Because sometimes you just feel sorry for yourself and today is that day for me. I hope I can enjoy this summer despite these creatures. I hope I can speak to people who suffer from the same phobia, or people with any degree of empathy at all.
When I was maybe 6 years old, I stepped on a ground wasp nest. For most of the rest of my childhood I had an intense phobia of flying bugs as a result. All flying bugs were out to get me, and any stinging insects were going to sting me for sure, never mind if they were halfway across the yard. The slightest sound of insect wings nearby was enough to send me into a panic.
Then, one day, I was outside and nearly bumped into a wasp I didn’t see. I yelped and jumped back—and the wasp jumped back too, like it was just as surprised and scared as I was, then flew away from me as fast as it could.
And I suddenly realized that maybe they were just as afraid of me as I was of them.
I won’t say my phobia disappeared overnight, but from that day forward it faded pretty quickly. Now I can be right next to bees and wasps and be fine with it.
What’s weird is I’d been told the whole ‘they’re more afraid of you than you are of them’ business before, but somehow seeing it like that made that statement real.