AUSTIN, TX—In the latest round of layoffs for the company’s struggling automotive division, electric vehicle manufacturer Tesla fired the entire team behind brakes, sources confirmed Wednesday. “As we continue to rightsize the Tesla workforce, we have come to the decision that stopping the car is no longer a critical function,” said CEO Elon Musk, whose announcement came as a shock to the team of 500 Tesla workers responsible for the electric vehicles’ braking systems. “As the brakes never really worked anyway, we figured the team’s existence was redundant. Going forward, none of our models will be outfitted with brakes. Instead, we will shift our efforts to making fart noises louder.” At press time, Tesla staffers responsible for wheels were reportedly nervous after receiving an ominous meeting request from HR.
Brakes just slow you down anyway…
It’s all a conspiracy promoted by big slow to sell less fast!
Woah . . .
Drive fast and break things!
You jest but you just know there’s Muskrats out there that would say this without a shred of irony.
I drive a 2 stroke Honda dirt bike without a rear brake and say that unironically
I hope the front isn’t a drum brake at least
Front disk is all I need. Rear drum doesn’t work with the clusterfuck of different year parts its made from so I need $40 for a rear disk. Fuck that. I’d rather have 2 30 racks. That’s more fun for more people.
Heeeeeell yeah brother