AUSTIN, TX—In the latest round of layoffs for the company’s struggling automotive division, electric vehicle manufacturer Tesla fired the entire team behind brakes, sources confirmed Wednesday. “As we continue to rightsize the Tesla workforce, we have come to the decision that stopping the car is no longer a critical function,” said CEO Elon Musk, whose announcement came as a shock to the team of 500 Tesla workers responsible for the electric vehicles’ braking systems. “As the brakes never really worked anyway, we figured the team’s existence was redundant. Going forward, none of our models will be outfitted with brakes. Instead, we will shift our efforts to making fart noises louder.” At press time, Tesla staffers responsible for wheels were reportedly nervous after receiving an ominous meeting request from HR.

    • @Buddahriffic
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      65 months ago

      They have been really busy ever since they were hired to take over writing the plot to Human Life.

    • @cm0002
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      5 months ago

      You sure? Maybe you’ve been seeing them this whole time, but with news and satire being so close to each other these days and what not…