Thanks for joining me today! I’m here at the Reddit corporate parking lot, spot 269 (nice!), and being assisted today by Victoria all by myself because friends only tie down your ambitions.

Founded in 1978 as a men’s discount shoe store on the west side of Philadelphia (born and raised), Reddit has, despite our best efforts, experienced an unprecedented explosion in popularity in the past decade. As of this morning, we are now home to over 16.5 million subscribers, of which a good 11% are associated with human beings, creating over 13 original posts each and every week!

As a business, our primary goal has been maintaining this platform at the expense of our users. As a result, we recently made the decision to acquire one of our upcoming competitors, Lemmy. This sale finalized as of Sunday, July 2nd, for a price that will not be disclosed because our VCs might be reading this.

Effectively immediately, we have enacted a few new featifits (a benefit and a feature combined) that will hopefully pay for the new sous chef will benefeat the Lemmy community. These include:

• A newly revamped federation system that will allow Reddit posts to be viewed on Lemmy. This will be limited to one randomly selected subreddits every month, as chosen by myself, and I’ve been pretty much into cat girls this year, so they’ll probably be cat girl-related
• A unique new post sorting algorithm that compliments the above, boosting all posts that do, possibly may, or will feature cat girls after I have edited them
• 500 Spezbux that can be redeemed for Speztokens at any point
• An unshakable sense of dread about the future course of technology
• Full length ads for Carl Jr’s that will be sent directly to your inbox each hour and can be viewed for additional Spezgild
• New scents

And much much more! Also, as is tradition for this AMA, we will not be answering any questions at this time, but please, feel free to waste your time and ask anyway!