In early May my gf of 4 years broke up with me and at the end of May she moved back to her home country. Since then I’ve been Doing my best to move on like seeing counselors/therapist and taking plenty of time for myself and so far most days I’m doing alright but with her gone I have a constant dread of loneliness and helplessness as right now I just don’t really have any future. no goals or major wants and I’m not really sure where to go from here.
I live in a very small and technically isolated town where the only things to really do is either walk around town or go to one of the many bars. I don’t drink and can’t even hear in bars so that’s a no go. There’s a few sport things that are mainly for the kids and we’ll… I’m not into sports of any sort. So my options for meeting anyone are pretty limited. As in I can either loiter at a Tim Hortons or I can spend time at the gym in town which both don’t really hold much value for meeting people.
Originally, with my now ex, we had planned to move to a city where we could actually do things and have opportunities. We had been working towards it for a while and now that’s completely dead in the water…
I don’t really have any friends in this place and idk what else to do to meet new people since there really isn’t any opportunities to do so. It’s also not the easiest place to get out of because everything is marked up so far above msrp that it’s a struggle to even barely survive with a well paying job. I know it’s bad everywhere right now but it’s especially bad here as prices are still double if not quadrupled compared to everywhere else.
So right now I have no idea what to do. I’m surviving one day at a time with my dog. I want to meet new people and get the fuck out of this town but everything has been such a dead end here that so far my one chance of hope has left me.
I want to know what others might suggest. I have Adhd and struggle with large gatherings and hearing people but I still try my best and I want to at least make a couple new friends. I just don’t know how right now.
I’m really sorry to hear about what you’re going through right now. Breakups can be incredibly tough, and it sounds like you’re dealing with a lot of changes and uncertainties on top of that.
It’s great that you’re seeing a counselor and taking time for yourself, that’s a very positive step. It’s important to remember to focus on your own personal growth during this time, too. You mentioned you’re not into sports, but there might be other hobbies you haven’t tried yet. Experiment with new activities and interests, you might discover something you love and perhaps even meet new people along the way.
Health is another important aspect of personal growth. It sounds like you’ve already considered the gym. Even if it’s not a place to meet people, it can be a great outlet for stress and a way to improve both your physical and mental health.
Even if your town is small, there might be local interest clubs or community events you could join. Even if they’re online, they might provide you with some connection and common ground with others.
If you grew up in this area, reconnecting with old friends could also be beneficial. They might understand your current situation better and could offer some comfort and support.
In the end, always strive to become a better version of yourself. This doesn’t mean you’re not good enough as you are, but that growth is a constant process. When you’re ready, opportunities often present themselves more readily.
Remember, there will always be people who will appreciate and love you just as you are. It’s important to love yourself first, though. You’ve already shown great resilience and self-awareness in this challenging time. You have the strength to navigate through this.
Thank you, this means a lot to me right now!
I do try to always better myself even if it’s only a tiny bit at a time.
I’ll try to find some communities online as I know there genuinely isn’t anything else in this town and unfortunately all the friends I had in school have all moved away and I haven’t had contact with them for a few years now. Shit happens but that’s part of the reason why I want to meet new people and hopefully make some new friends.
Again, thank you. It really does mean a lot to me!
I’m glad you appreciate my response.
You’re not alone in the struggle my brother. A lot of us are struggling with you.
But I assure you, the best is yet to come. So continue to do your best.
Based on your post the #1 thing you should probably do is look to move somewhere more dense, then get online and try to find new people. Moving on after a 4 year relationship is tough, but it seems like you had a good idea of where you wanted your life to go before the breakup, so I see no reason you should cut that short. It’s still your best option, nothing has changed in that regard!
You seem motivated and self-aware, and that’s valuable. It might be a struggle, but that’s what life is about if you ask me. I know people who moved to a big city with no plan and are now doing great for themselves, and I have no doubt you can do the same. Best of luck.
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Thank you, I’ll look into it and see. I suppose there’s bound to be a hell of a lot more there to look forward to.
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Aside from all the other great tips offered in this thread, I’d recommend meditation (https://www.additudemag.com/how-to-meditate-for-adhd-symptoms/) and perhaps yoga. After my previous breakup focusing on my body and mind really helped me keep my head above water.
Hey mate, first off, I really want to say I’m sorry you’re going through this. Breakups are tough, and it’s even harder when you’re feeling isolated in a small town. What you’re going through is a painful experience and it’s totally okay to be upset about it.
But let me tell you this: there’s always a silver lining, always an opportunity to grow and evolve, even if it’s buried under a pile of crap right now. You’re already taking big steps towards healing by seeking professional help and taking time for yourself. That’s a big win and don’t downplay it.
Building mental health is an ongoing process, and it’s important to remember that it’s okay to have bad days. Some days you may feel on top of the world, and others, it may be hard to even get out of bed. But it’s those hard days that really build our strength. It’s all about balance. There will be good days and bad days, but all of them contribute to our growth.
Short term direction is another thing you might want to work on. Right now, your world might seem all over the place, and that’s okay. It’s important to take small steps towards creating some semblance of order. Maybe start with setting small goals, like taking your dog for a walk every day at the same time, or doing something you love for a set amount of time each day. This gives you something to look forward to and creates a sense of routine in your life.
As for your strengths and weaknesses, we all have them. The trick is to not dwell on your weaknesses, but rather focus on your strengths and how you can use them to build upon those weaknesses. For example, you’ve shown a great deal of resilience and introspection in your post. Those are awesome strengths that can help you in many areas of life, like forming new relationships and building self-esteem.
Getting to know yourself is another big step towards improving your mental health. Who are you beyond the labels society puts on you? What are your values? Your passions? The more you know about yourself, the easier it is to love and respect yourself.
I know you’re feeling isolated in your town, and it sounds really tough. I get that meeting new people is difficult there. The internet can be a great way to connect with others who share similar interests. There are plenty of communities here online like Lemmy, for example, for every hobby, interest, or lifestyle you can think of. You can also consider volunteering online, which can offer a sense of purpose and allow you to connect with others.
As for moving out of the town, it might seem impossible now, but don’t lose hope. Keep an eye out for opportunities. Maybe you can look for remote work that could help you save money to move.
The road ahead might be tough, but remember you’re stronger than you think. You’re capable of great things and the current situation is just a chapter in your life, not the whole book. Hang in there, buddy. Things will get better. Sending you virtual fist bumps and wishing you strength in this tough time. You’ve got this.
Sports are great for two things:
- brains with adhd (what’s not to love about being totally in the moment with zero context?)
- making friends
I have a lot more I would like to add but I have to get to work.
As for goals: try making tiny goals that stretch your competence just a little.
Like one category is things that seem so small they shouldn’t take effort, so if they do take effort it’s tempting to quit. And another category is things that are so big they seem impossible.
The trick is to rework that first category. When something seems like it should be effortless, but ends up requiring more work than that, that’s a great candidate for a stepping stone goal.
It’s so hard to accept that small goals are worthwhile goals. Like, for a normal person walking to the kitchen is no big deal. But for someone recovering from a broken leg, it’s a significant goal.
Does your gym have any sports leagues? Does joining a league sport seem like too much? If so, maybe the only goal you need is: obtain a list of places in town where you might find sports happening.
The list is the goal. You don’t need to pick a sport. You don’t need to join a sport. Just list them.
That’s what “baby steps” means. Have you seen how small a baby’s steps are?
