• @[email protected]
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    11410 months ago

    My wife’s old dutch grandma once had a sip of beer and said “it’s like an angel pissing on my tongue”

    Talking about how many children she had “your grandfather would throw his dirty undies at me and I’d get pregnant”

    • niftyOP
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      10 months ago

      Grandma sounds like she could make a pirate blush :) I wanna be just like her when I grandma

    • @[email protected]
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      2610 months ago

      it’s like an angel pissing on my tongue

      That is an old Dutch saying, I was gonna ask if she had Dutch heritage, but than I re read your post.

      • Joe Cool
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        510 months ago

        We have that one as well in Bavaria:

        Als würd’ dir ein Engelein auf die Zunge bieseln.

  • @Godric
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    7610 months ago

    “How’re we gonna fuck this pig” is my favorite. Means “how are we going to start this unpleasant task”.

    Fun fact: Saying it at work can net you several funny looks and more!

  • don
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    7110 months ago

    One I learned in the fleet was “…more fucked than a ten cent whore on a day raining dimes.”

    • Dharma Curious
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      210 months ago

      One from my childhood in the south, would occasionally hear the adults say “my ___ hurts worse than a whore’s knees on nickel blowjob day”

  • @ben16w
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    6010 months ago

    My favourite is the (apparently) Australian saying “I’m so hungry a could eat the ass off a low flying duck”

    • @Gradually_Adjusting
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      4410 months ago

      Aussie slang is weapons grade language. They’re not here to fuck spiders

      • @Death_Equity
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        310 months ago

        They truly have mastered the language and then elevated it to obscene heights.

        • @Gradually_Adjusting
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          310 months ago

          Australian slang is fast becoming an arrogant edifice of human endeavour that god will have to one day topple or admit defeat. I for one suspect god is here to fuck spiders, and he may even be a drongo

    • @Freestylesno
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      1710 months ago

      I have always enjoyed “I could eat the north end of a south bound skunk”

  • The Assman
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    3210 months ago

    One of my favorites:

    “It’s hotter out here than a fresh fucked fox in a forest fire”

    • littleblue✨
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      810 months ago

      “fawx” and “fahr”, for the unfamiliar

        • littleblue✨
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          410 months ago

          “Sheeeyit, i’s hahtt’r awht hee-uh thunna freshfukkt fawx inna fohr’st fahr.”

          • The Assman
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            810 months ago

            I’m a native speaker. You’re pretty close! It’s:

            “Hotterna fresh fucked fawx inna forst fahr”

            • littleblue✨
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              210 months ago

              I knew I used too many 'o them fancy, uh, whatsits. Ya know, um, yeh: lettrs.

  • @HootinNHollerin
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    10 months ago

    My dad has a lot from growing up in a small farming community in Kansas:

    “Shakin like a dog shittin prune seeds.”

    “I gotta piss like a race horse.”

    “So dumb you couldn’t pour piss out of a boot with the instructions on the heel.”

    • @Baahb
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      1310 months ago

      “Shaking like a dog shitting razor blades” is the opening of an alkaline trio song. They’re out of Chicago, so I don’t think this is local to small town Kansas. Also I’m from Texas and piss like a racehorse was fairly common.

    • Bob
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      510 months ago

      We have variants of those in northern England too. Shaking like a shitting dog and pissing like a police horse.

      • Dharma Curious
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        210 months ago

        Southern US, heard police horse but racehorse is more common. But my family’s was always “gotta piss like a pregnant woman” and “gotta piss so bad my back teeth are floating”

    • gordon
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      410 months ago

      I once heard a coworker say: “if brains were gunpowder, they couldn’t blow their nose”.

      A friend will occasionally say “that’ll make you take back shit you never stole”, which apparently means the thing (whatever he was talking about) was good.

  • @[email protected]
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    2710 months ago

    “like a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs” in reference to watching your ass.

    • @RampantParanoia2365
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      10 months ago

      I feel like this could work for so many things. Like a nails on a chalkboard noise, or a bull in a China shop situation. A bull made of nails amd teeth.

      • littleblue✨
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        10 months ago

        No, it’s referring to the nervousness of said cat, not the sound it makes.

  • @Dicska
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    2410 months ago

    And I thought my language had something unique. Turns out, saying “even from a sack full of pussies he would pull out a dick” to an unlucky person isn’t that unique to us.

    • littleblue✨
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      810 months ago

      But, equally as revelatory, perhaps.

    • @[email protected]
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      210 months ago

      I’ve heard “he’s so dumb he could fall into a barrel of tits and come out sucking his thumb”

      • @Dicska
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        110 months ago

        I like this one - it’s less about bad luck so it only applies to me half the time.

  • @gingernate
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    2410 months ago

    “colder than a witches tittie in a brass bra”

    • BlanketsWithSmallpox
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      410 months ago

      Asking friends if they could carve my initials into my glasses when they get pokies from cold weather is the best. No matter their gender lol.

  • @jenny_ball
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    2310 months ago

    this is Lemmy’s finest thread to date

  • @Hikermick
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    2310 months ago

    My wife’s granny in West Virginia: “I wouldn’t kick him out of bed for eating crackers”

    • @[email protected]
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      310 months ago

      “I wouldn’t push her/him off the bed” means they’re fuckable in German.

      Original: Ich würde sie/ihn nicht von der Bettkante schubsen.

  • @chemical_cutthroat
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    2310 months ago

    I have a pretty mild one that I’ve used all my life: “Good Lord willing and the creek don’t rise.” I said it once to the owner of the company I work for and he thought I meant I wouldn’t do what he’d asked of me, and he got a little upset. I had to explain it meant the opposite. That I had to explain it to him didn’t really ease the angst of the situation…

  • @LaunchesKayaks
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    2010 months ago

    I grew up 5 mins from West Virginia. The hillbillies were always saying wild shit like this lmao

  • @Crashumbc
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    1910 months ago

    My Grandfather- “I’m hungry enough to eat the ass out of a skunk”

      • @Crashumbc
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        110 months ago

        Lol he probably died before that kid was born.

    • @ikidd
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      410 months ago

      In Canada, I’ve heard (and used) that as “I’m hungry enough the eat the ass out of a freshly fucked moose”

      • @francisfordpoopola
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        210 months ago

        I’m so hungry I’d eat the south end of a north facing horse.

    • @HootinNHollerin
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      310 months ago

      ‘I’m so hungry I could crawl up a hogs ass and make me ham sandwich’

    • littleblue✨
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      810 months ago

      But… They don’t carry lunchbo— Oh.