Boomer humor
Wife bad, laugh track
Isn’t he bad for dumping his wife here?
No he’s not. She doesn’t own him. His watch is over.
It was ideas like this that convinced me heaven wasn’t real when I was young.
Like, some woman’s first husband dies. She eventually remarries and is happy. Later she dies and goes to heaven. Who is she with there? Husband 1 or 2? Both? Neither? The only way it makes sense to me is if people are essentially high 24/7 so nothing bothers them. But, is that really so heavenly?
people are essentially high 24/7 so nothing bothers them.
The biblical description of what you experience in heaven is exactly why I think heaven would be awful if it existed. Because it sounds basically just like that and with an absence of free will.
The absence of free will part is that you have to stay on the path of following your conscience to stay in heaven.
This literalist crap is the way a five year old understands religion.
What Christian denominations count everything in Revelations, which is where this description comes from, as anything but literal? That is the one specific book in the Bible that is not usually considered metaphorical by religious institutions.
You know Jesus answered this exact question?
Matthew 22:25-32 ESV
Now there were seven brothers among us. The first married and died, and having no offspring left his wife to his brother. So too the second and third, down to the seventh. After them all, the woman died. In the resurrection, therefore, of the seven, whose wife will she be? For they all had her.” But Jesus answered them, “You are wrong, because you know neither the Scriptures nor the power of God. For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven. And as for the resurrection of the dead, have you not read what was said to you by God: ‘I am the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob’? He is not God of the dead, but of the living.”
Yeah that doesn’t make any sense, except trying to sweep the whole thing under the rug lol.
Basically merc’s final mention where you’re so happy you don’t need marriage. Marriage is an earthly thing
Jesus: “shh it’s fine, next question”
More like dodges the question.
TL;DR angels are whores.
What a shitty and inconclusive answer
Matthew: “Okay, but really Jesus, like if I end up fucking my brother’s wife, how’s he going to feel about that when I die? And you said earlier that I could fuck his wife. Everyone heard it.”
“Be thou not of persistent questions, for in ruin ye may find yourself when annoying such as Me”
You are supposed to feel eternal bliss but if a loved one ends up in hell, wouldn’t that make you sad. So who’s really in heaven? A modified version of you? That’s creepy…
I remember having it explained to me in catechism (essentially catholic religious education) that they would know you’re in hell and wouldn’t miss you. Kind of a fucked up thing to tell a 6 year old, but what are you gonna do
There’s a part in Dante’s Inferno where Dante sees a guy he used to know in Hell and he’s bummed out, but his guide Virgil says, “That guy is in Hell because God wants him here. Who the F are you to question the will of God? Maybe you should just stay in Hell yourself if you think you’re so smart…” and Dante has to backtrack and be like, “No, you’re right, fuck that guy.”
/I know Dante’s Inferno isn’t technically Catholic doctrine, it’s just fanfic that became so popular people can’t separate it from the canon.
if a loved one ends up in hell, wouldn’t that make you sad
This heavily discounts the existence and function of purgatory (the place you sit and wait until your flaws and frailties have eroded away). It also mistakes the ideas of heaven and hell as reward/punishment rather than proximity to God.
In theory, your closeness to others is reflected in your closeness to God. Therefore, you wouldn’t lose your loved ones, because their bound to you would bring them closer to God (where you, presumably, are) and keep them from hell. By contrast, if a person you knew did go to hell, it is because they distanced themselves from God (and by extension you). Once you gain the enlightenment of the afterlife, you are able to decouple the mortal craving for companionship from the divine desire for oneness with the Creator. And then you won’t feel sad, because you no longer crave that fallen individual’s destructive tendencies.
This is all predicated on the notion of a magical divine understanding that only comes to you after your physical body is worm food. So, YMMV. But there’s more involved doctrine that covers these kinds of problems.
That’s way more of an issue than which husband you’ll be with.
Yeah, exactly. Say a your best friend is Muslim. Obviously, no Muslims are allowed in heaven. If you’re incapable of sadness in heaven, then you must no longer care about your best friend. But, if you no longer care about your best friend, do you actually care about anybody?
Those rules depend on which denomination you’re asking. The pre-schism church decided you didn’t need to be Christian at all, or even monotheistic. They basically decided that rejecting god was actually a high bar (hearing about Christianity and not joining wasn’t even close, and even being educated as a Christian and not believing anyway wasn’t enough) and that people who were righteous would get in regardless of faith. After all, it’s not your fault if you were raised in a distant land where Christianity wasn’t a thing, and you couldn’t really be blamed for not believing without a visitation from god himself, or an angel, or witnessing a miracle, or similar. Of course, it’s easier to be righteous if you’re Christian and know the rules, so spreading the faith was important. This is even still the official stance of the Vatican (and, I would assume, most Orthodox churches). A lot of the black and white morality and biblical literalism comes from Protestant factions. Definitely not all of it, though; try asking the Pope what he thinks about divorce or gay marriage.
Heaven is heavin’ from the real truth which has been fucking obvious the entire time. The whole trick to the bee hive, that at least had a real sweet purpose, is that if you can think critically enough about fucking anything then you can see the obvious. But if you can’t then the chant loop carries a set of choices that aren’t yours. You’ll be convinced that if he’ll, then your first vomit and escape into empty "space* are saving you from the suffering of infinity carrying meaning.
Daemon is not a bad person. It’s not even a person. Just a trick of talk that kind of sounds like someone. It’s just a verification of who you are managed by that may sheen instead of being stripped of your manhood by the real truth revealed in that exchange of Knowledge. Kind of creepy to think about but like I said, it’s not a person. It’s just what happens when you die. You’re longer part of the life you left behind at death.
“After” life is just this one. There’s an infinite galaxy, if not to mention an infinite addition of extra dimensions of stories. You’ll pay attention the same way you did when you started “reading” this one.
Muslims are literally just more of men refusing to surrender time’s call to respect women’s turn to make the choice for us and with us.
The whole galaxy we’re in, stories, time, and dimensions I can’t even been to describe, have differences in everything except one. That being the “loop.” This is the structure of everything. Look at how shit changes with the matter-energy 'verse across gradients of volume. Loops are present. So is the story. Across ends the rules and the structure of whatever still will have loops.
The loop is the one thing that cannot be removed. Even after death, the loop will be a pattern occurring, happening, etc.
I would say don’t get stuck but you will probably experience the sense of repeat of aspects you were familiar with until you chose to find a different cycle.
Each person’s universe is separate. We exist in overlapping solipsisms.
Your loved ones don’t end up in hell, because after you’re dead they only exist, to you, in your universe.
My idea would be that in heaven you no longer would have romantic relationships or interest.You would just be together with everyone you loved and feelings of jealousy would not exist.That or everyone can create clones of each other and be with whoever they want whenever.
That’s a lot of Margot Robbies!
I imagine a field of Margot Robbies standing around like pokemon barking “Margot Robbie! Margot Robbie!”
I’ll take it
So, it’s like drugs. There’s no “you” left, just a pile of goo that’s eternally drugged out on happiness.
This is covered canonically in the Evangelion movie
Like, some woman’s first husband dies. She eventually remarries and is happy. Later she dies and goes to heaven. Who is she with there? Husband 1 or 2? Both? Neither?
This isn’t a problem for Mormons. They can have as many spouses as they want, and then when they die they get their own planet.
But only if they have outie genitals. Those with innies are out of luck.
Outies and innies? I like that!
Sweet!
Heaven is a psychological state in which things go well and you feel good, and you get to that state by following your conscience consistently, and forgiving yourself for the times you screw up.
So, heroin. Gotcha.
“Screw up” not “shoot up”.
I’m saying that that description of Heaven is basically like being high 24/7 so nothing matters and nothing can make you sad.
Well, violating your conscience can make you sad.
And you can be sad in heaven. Just not depressed.
Sure, ok, right, of course.
What about their age? Are they forever the age they died? Well, then wouldn’t you like to die earlier, rather than be 80 forever? Cause that’s bound to suck. Maybe we can assume all pains would be gone, but you’d still prefer to be young and handsome again wouldn’t you?
If you go to heaven, you’d probably want your grandmother to be the kindly old lady you remember. Her own grandmother might want her to be the little kid she remembered bouncing on her knee. She, herself, might want to be the 20 year old who was full of energy and beautiful. Is 20-year-old you going to curl up on 20-year-old grandma’s lap while she reads you a story?
The only way to really solve that is that heaven is basically being extremely high, so your “brain” is sending out happy chemicals and you don’t care at all about anything else.
But, “I can’t wait to get to heaven so I can be high as balls 24/7” doesn’t sound as wholesome as “I can’t wait to get to heaven so I can see grandma again”.
They’ve got forever, mix it up! I’d be a little kid every once in a while if it made my grandmother happier. And knowing that she’s partying in San Junipero the rest of the time wouldn’t bother me.
The only way it makes sense to me is if people are essentially high 24/7 so nothing bothers them. But, is that really so heavenly?
Where do I sign up for this cool AF sounding heaven?
So if you’re not a theologian you may not be aware, but technically speaking it’s you and whoever you’re married to and Jesus as a union. There be no distinction on maximum number of wives or husbands.
Haha wife bad!!! 🤣🤣🤣😂💯
Are the straights okay?
Yes.
If SO1 dies a decade or two before SO2, SO2 isn’t expected to be faithful, why should SO1 in the unlikely scenario that an afterlife exists?
Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around
And dessert you
“I swore that I would love you to the end of time!
So now I’m praying for the end of time
To hurry up and arrive
'Cause if I gotta spend another minute with you
I don’t think that I can really survive
I’ll never break my promise or forget my vow
But God only knows what I can do right now!”In India, there is a belief that marriage can last upto 7 lifetimes. I wonder how the reaction would be then.
“Alright let’s get this over with”
:: reincarnates ::
How do you know what lifetime you’re on?
Like, if you get divorced, does this presume you were technically on your eighth time through and so this is legitimate?
It’s just a belief. No one knows which lifetime you are in. Only one who would know, according to the mythology, would be the assistant to the god of death.
Of course the secretary knows more than the boss.
Basically Larry: https://youtu.be/DtGcQyKfid8?feature=shared
