Not sure if this is the right community to post this, but I’ll give it a shot.
One of my very good friends is planning on going into the Navy in about a year. He’s generally a moderate left leaning kinda guy, but is trans. He comes from a navy family which is part of the reason he decided to go in the first place. He’s going into mechanics and stuff and not combat which is slightly better I guess, but it’s very concerning to me that he’s planning on joining especially because he’s trans. I also feel that ethically, actively participating in that system is bad.
How can I dissuade him from joining? I don’t wanna go full force argument mode because it’s ultimately his choice but I would like advice on how to softly nudge him away from it without affecting our friendship negatively. Thanks.
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It’s not your decision, you need to respect your friend’s choices, even when they’re against what you would do.
Best you can do is sit him down and state your concerns, but unless you’re willing to throw away the relationship, you have to make it very clear up front that you’re going to stick with him no matter what.
Also, while there is always the chance of getting stuck in a bad situation, the military is extremely open minded with respect to the trans aspect. The upper leadership has made that very clear to Congress. Might want to make sure your assumptions are correct before you start the conversation.
I was 0317. Attached to a lot of low drag units in Iraq, Kandahar, Syria, elsewhere. I regret it. However everyone’s service is their own.
Ask your buddy to ask his recruiter how they define non service related injuries. Find out what your friend wants their MOS to be, look up common VA admissions for that assignment/job/task.
What are his goals after service. Why is he joining up, not why he should, but why he wants to.
See if he’ll go to a VFW and talk to some vets and ask what they did, what they regret and what they miss. Make sure he opens with “I’m thinking of joining up”. Make sure he pays close attention to how he’s treated, the brass may say it’s a trans friendly service, but there’s still rampant racism in the ranks and we’ve been desegregated since WW2. You’ll see what the military does by asking veterans.
Don’t push them away if they join up, if shit goes wrong, they’ll need you. Don’t be a shitty friend. But definitely do let them know in all honesty how you feel, you’re not going to convince them to quit. They’re gonna do what they’re gonna do and you need to trust them.
I’m sorry, there’s nothing you can do. He has clearly made his choice and the only thing you can do is react.
You can explain your argument to them, plead your case, but then you just have to let them decide. I’m sure if they’re 18+, they’re fully aware of how hard it is to be trans, no matter where they are in America. Being trans in the military though is still an opportunity for them, and not just for the military benefits. For a trans person, it’s an opportunity for them to potentially help in “normalizing” their lifestyle (making it more mainstream and accepted) and showing people that they can do anything that anybody else can do. It’s bound to be tough for them, but they’re showing alot of bravery putting themselves out there like that.
Contact a Navy recruiter yourself, anonymously, and just ask them if you’d qualify to enlist, but using your anonymous friend’s basic (non identifying) details. See what they say.
I did this for a friend once, came to find out my friend would have been fined $30,000 for falsifying medical records if they would have tried enlisting.
