WASHINGTON—Calling the theft a profound wake-up call amid a nationwide epidemic of drug abuse, Congress passed bipartisan legislation to address the opioid crisis Wednesday after their addict cousin Clem stole their Xbox Series X. “Today, we stand up and say enough is enough to our fentanyl-abusing shitheel of a…
  • @over_cloxEnglish
    34•5 months ago

    I know this is The Onion, but the line between reality and bullshit is fading with every passing day…

    • NeatoEnglish
      15•5 months ago

      It’s a very apt article. There’s only 3 good ways to get Congress to pass legislation with anything approaching quickness:

      1. Massive nationwide, bipartisan support from a crisis (9/11, Patriot Act)
      2. Fucking pay them (most bills that benefit the rich and corpos)
      3. Have it affect most of Congress people directly (pay increases, exempting themselves from finance law)

      This would be #3 so it would be expected.

      House Majority Leader Steve Scalise said of the bill, which would invest $35 billion into public-health training, Narcan distribution, extended Medicaid benefits,

      Fuck, Onion. That’d be nice, wouldn’t it?