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next day: I invented something called a subscription!
The day after that: your letter e has worn down, replace it immediately.
or we will remotely lock your printing press (with a pad lock)
Letter e replacements are available as part of a letter subscription package. The basic package has z, q, j, x, and k for only costs £25 per month. If you want to include e, you’ll have to upgrade to the deluxe premium pack which has every letter, for only £79 per month.*
*Punctuation not included. English alphabet only, terms and conditions apply. May not be used for commercial, blasphemous, or heretical purposes.
What sayest thou?
parchment casket loaden scrolle?!?Back upon thine ass with ye ol resurrection.
“How is girl got pergament?”
How is babby formed?
“I think I got gf bergamot, what to do next?”
Add some vanilla, lavender, and black tea.
Thine instruction be murky, alas my Jerry sticketh inside the mechanism
Please contact HP PrinterCare
> Sends messenger on horseback
Please subscribe to print
“PC Load Letter”
But I only wanted to print in black and white.
Fuck you, the printer demon demands more magenta.
Damn it Marty! … I told you we should have used that two for one ink special last spring! … now we’re going to have to delay the reformation until the 1600s!
Too bad, we need to track your prints
See that just goes to show how far we’ve come technologically. Now it tells you that you’re out of yellow because of the hidden marks it prints on every page without telling you.
I hope we can get the source code if the press jam, otherwise we need to write a new OS.
Magenta didn’t exist in 1440
