Hello fellow lemmy’s , A bit of back story. I’m currently stuck with a decision and don’t know what way to take it , I’ve moved back to my home city a month ago to be close to family and friends after a 3 year relationship ended, now that I’ve settled in I’m starting to regret the choice in moving , my job is based back where I moved from and friends have offered me place to stay until I get on my feet.
There is a lot I miss about where I lived and finding it difficult to see a future here, would you guys stay and ride out the feeling or go with your gut ?
So take this from someone who is turning 45 in a few days. I have learned the hard way, multiple times in my life. Trust my gut. I’ve gotten to the point where I always do now. I’ve only been wrong once or twice out of probably hundreds of times. But every time I didn’t I was wrong.
This is not easily answered because we are not fully familiar with all of the nuances of your current situation. The best advice I can give you is to make a list of the positives and negatives. This can help get the thoughts swirling around in your head out on paper. Sometimes based on being able to see the positives and negatives written down, the answer can become quite clear. Give it a shot and see what you come up with.
I would even go one little step further, a weighted list of positives and negatives, then you can just apply math to see from the data what the right answer is.
And exactly, once you see it written down - even if the data tells you the opposite - you will have quite a clear feeling of what you really want to do.
This! I did this, and the resulting weighted score went against my feelings. So, I adjusted the weights until it came out the way I want. It’s not rational, but that was exactly what I wanted given the choices.
This is good advice. Not enough detail in the post and, regardless, you’re going to need to analyze your own situation because we’re probably never going to get all the nuance, even if you write us a novel.
One thing to add: you just lost a relationship and are probably going to be unhappy and grieving that regardless of where you live. If you had stayed, you’d be having the same feelings of not knowing where you want to be and feeling lost… you probably even jumped to moving back home because you made a rash decision thinking “I’m unhappy here, so here must be the problem.”
OP, the way you’re feeling is normal. You need time to grieve the relationship and figure out what makes you happy once you have a bit of distance from that situation.
That’s exactly what I was going to suggest.
Personally? I was gonna suggest living a double life, until it becomes obvious which one is better.
OP should go with the list.
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Even if it’s the wrong decision in your case to trust your gut, I worry that if you don’t, you’ll spend the rest of your life wondering what it would be like if you did.
Agree with the many others here, you have a secured income source and a secured place of residence at the very least a temporary source of residence. You want to be where you can still be earning money and the worst case scenario is if it ends up changing later on down the road you can probably go back to your hometown again cuz I expect that it the offer will stay on the table, that being said it sounds like you also have your friends in that area so in my mind that’s a no-brainer and I likely wouldn’t have wasted money moving. But I’m also not super family-oriented so I can definitely understand wanting to live near family
Ultimately I am the same way, I want to be able to stay in my hometown but I know realistically that I’m not going to be able to progress my career here, it’s too much of a tech dead zone, make sure to go where you’re able to get money, money can’t always flow everywhere
When I look back on my life, I always regret things I did out of fear or anxiety or any other emotions.
Trusting my gut, however, always led to the best for me in the long run.
In your case, did you follow your gut when heading home?
Also, your gut feelings are maybe muddled by emotions about the breakup, which is logical.
So give yourself some time to weigh your options and let your family and friends help you as well?
Can I ask what the difference is between a gut feeling and anxiety or fear or other emotions? Seems to me that a gut feeling is your emotions talking to you.
There definitely is a difference. A gut feeling aka intuition comes without emotion. It just is like a knowing something for sure but not knowing why.
I trust my gut feelings implicitly. My emotions? Not so much. Emotions are always fleeting. There one minute, gone the next. Anxiety replays old fears time and time again.
When I think about or see rollercoasters for instance, I immediately am afraid. When I ask myself why, I remember instantly what I felt when I had an asthma attack in the middle of a rollercoaster ride. That fear replays as something new but isn’t.
I’ve read a lot about emotions and emotional wellbeing, I guess that’s why I’ve learned to tell the difference
Trust your gut, that’s what I would do.
