[post by randomvis]
I’m going to cop flak for this— but I don’t care.
I don’t even care if I ruin this pub favourite. The truth is more important.
This has gnawed away at me ever since I sat eating a chicken parmi and realized my son’s kid’s meal, nuggets + chips + salad and sauce is just a miniaturized concept. Rather, the parmi is just the ‘adultified’ version of the nuggets. You can @ me if you want to argue about the nuances about additional mozzarella, the difference between the sauces or even the number of nuggets versus the size of parmi, but I won’t respond. You and I both know now you are eating a kids meal and you need to grow up.
One thing remains constant, crumbed chicken, sauce, chips and salad.
You can’t run from it, you are eating a kids meal dressed in an adult’s name.
The fuck kinda parma you lot eating
As a yank who only knows the pasta version of this dish it took a bit of googling to get up to speed. So y’all took the pasta away and serve the chicken on its own, yeah? Not a bad idea.
Hope this guy gets all the troll-euphoria he can out of this but the “its a melt not a grilled cheese” rant will always be king
with chips and salad yes.
Here’s my controversial parmi take.
No, dad, the chicken parmi here isn’t “too dry”. Chicken parmi is always dry. It’s a terrible, dry food that has to be slathered in sauce to even be edible.
It’s a conclusion I reached after watching countless times where someone would order the chicken parma and go on to complain that it’s too dry. If one restaurant’s parma is too dry, they did a bad job. If every pub does parma that’s too dry, that’s the dish’s fault.
chicken schnitzel is a chicken nugget for adults? Sure. I’ll let that truth stand.
But a chicken parmi? As in, a schnitzel covered in tomato pasta sauce, a slice of ham (or similar) and drowned in melted cheese? I dunno.
I think we’re going to have to draw the line at cheese making it an adult meal.
But here’s the most important part: no-one needs to grow up. You need to harden up, not grow up.
I don’t care.
When you’ve been floodlocked in the bush for two weeks, rationing your food, repositioning camp out of flooded areas, creating structures from trees and fallen logs to survive the storms, finding out other parties have been airlifted, travelling 20km of rough trail every day to check the river levels, until finally it’s low enough to dare a crossing… When you get to a town pub, covered in mud, exhausted, out of calories, and they have 10 different parmis—one loaded with bacon—I’m in fucking heaven. Hell damn ass heaven.
A steak would never cut it.
Have always said this. My preferred deep fried crumbed pub protein is a massive Weiner Schnitzel with gravy.
Poutine is way better IMO
Oh no I’m not eating mature adult food with kale in it. Oh my god western civilization is crumbling because I ate boneless wings, a parmi, or had a drink that wasn’t matured for 50 years in a oak barrel.
Ridiculous.
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Well, I don’t see a problem with Adult Nuggies…
But, oh, there’s a lot of variability in parmi’s and even in just a chicken schnitzel.
Some ‘chicken’ schnitzels aren’t pure chicken. They’re some sort of mashed up beaks and feet with filler in breadcrumbs. Some are real chicken, but unidentifiable parts of a chicken. Some are real chicken breast, and even fewer are chicken thighs.
Then you get the cooking bit. And it’s so often overcooked. Dry, tough. Maybe they want to make you buy another beer to try and wash it down.
I’m not even gonna start on the parmi side… It’s not tomato sauce ffs, and your cheese and/or ham does matter. Most places going parmi makes a schnitzel worse instead of better.
There’s two places I know that do it well, and no, I’m not telling you where, because I’m not gonna show up to the place and be told they’ve sold out of my Adult Nuggies. No1 doesn’t share his food.
