In the heart of Appalachia, where stories weave, Lived J.D. Vance, a man with a peculiar dream. Not of riches or fame, nor mountains to climb, But a love for a couch, sublime and divine.

From hill to holler, his tale would unfold, Of a sofa so grand, upholstered in gold. Its cushions embraced him with comforting grace, As if time itself slowed in this sacred space.

J.D. Vance, with eyes full of wonder, Polished and cared for this couch, without blunder. He’d sit and he’d ponder, by day and by night, In its soft, cushioned arms, everything felt right.

Through laughter and tears, through trials endured, J.D. Vance found peace in what some deemed absurd. For in that old couch, beyond fabric and foam, Lay the essence of home, where he came to completion.

He’d recount tales of hardship and strife, Yet the couch was his solace, his haven in life. With memories stitched into its fabric so fine, Each thread a reminder of moments entwined.

So here’s to J.D. Vance and his love so rare, For teaching us all that in what we hold dear, Whether couch or connection, in stories we share, Lies the beauty of life, beyond compare.

• ChatGPT

He said it … He couldn’t finish. I didn’t have relations to cumpletion… Couldn’t even finish what he started. What kind of asshole starts fucking a love seat and doesn’t even give it the satisfaction of the job well done finally.

Print photos of different couches and mail them to any or all of these locations:

https://www.vance.senate.gov/office-locations/

Don’t forget to add little love notes. e.g., “Thinking of you 💋”