THAT’S RIGHT FOLKS, THELAMESAUCE’S JANKIUM EMPORIUM IS REOPENING, RIGHT HERE IN YOUR OWN FRONT FEDERATED DOOR!

We’ve closed up shop over at reddit and we’ve just finished moving all our merchandise here - AND WE’RE READY TO GIVE YOU UNBELIEVABLE DEALS ON THE JANIEST JANK YOU’VE EVER SEEN!

Do you strive to confuse your opponent when they open with a [[Thoughtseize]] and don’t recognize a single card in your hand?

Do you get no joy out of winning a game simply because you curved out with evasive threats before your opponent could stabilize?

Do you dream about that one rare you managed to open 3 or 4 of and you just want to build something that showcases it?

WELL COME ON DOWN TO THE JANKIUM EMPORIUM FOR ALL YOUR JANKIEST NEEDS!

I’ve got something extra special for those high-rollers out there that just got wilcards out the wazoo ready to burn a virtual hole in your virtual pocket. I’m talkin’ the biggest deck you ever laid eyes on. It’s got everything.

Boardwipes Spot removal POWerful spellls Card advantage Ramp Reanimator Yesseree this here decck does it all! Now, I hear you saying, “but what ties this deck all together, it sounds like it’s just a pile of random cards?” Well my friend, this here deck is all about LEGENDS. That’s right, this deck has got legendary status written all over it! you’lll be the talk of the town as you ultimate [[Kaya the Inexorable]] and play whatver legendary spell you want, totally and completely mana-cost-free! You enemies will cower as you cast [[Primeval’s Glorious Rebirth]] and bring dozens of legendary creatures, artifacts, and PLANESwalkers back from beyond the grave! You’ll feel untouchable as your [[Angel of Suffering]] keep you upright while your foes feably fall to their knees.

I know I’ve got your interest with this one folks, but I’m afraid the decklist is just TOO BIG to share on the showroom floor here. I’ll have too take y’all round the commments section to get a looksie.

In the meantime, I’ve got something extra special for our loyal customers and new folk alike:

In honor of our grand reopening, we are marking down all our old decklists - not half price. Not 75% off

AB-SO-LOOTLEE FREE

Now you look like a mage that isn’t quite sure what your favorite color of mana is. WELL HOW ABOUT ALL OF 'EM?

Get ready to draw an enormous number of cards off [[Tome of the Guildpact]] because this deck here has TWENTY-THREE multicolor cards to trigger it!

I can see you got your doubts about a 5-color deck, but I’ll tell you my friend, with 4 [[Incubation Druid]] paired with 5 lands that tap for any color and 3 [[Chromatic Lantern]] you’ll rarely have mana issues.

How’s the deck win? I’M GLAD YOU ASKED! You see the 2 [[Rythm of the Wild]]? That there is gonna GARE-ANN-TEE you hit your opponent with your [[Etrata]] or your [[Thief of Sanity]]. You smell that? That there is card advantage and a win condition all in one!

5-Color Etrata, the Jankencer

4 Incubation Druid (RNA) 131

3 Etrata, the Silencer (GRN) 170

1 Niv-Mizzet, Parun (GRN) 192

2 Lazav, the Multifarious (GRN) 184

3 Thief of Sanity (GRN) 205

2 Deputy of Detention (RNA) 165

1 Hydroid Krasis (RNA) 183

2 Thought Erasure (GRN) 206

4 Discovery // Dispersal (GRN) 223

1 Find // Finality (GRN) 225

2 Absorb (RNA) 151

2 Tome of the Guildpact (RNA) 242

3 Chromatic Lantern (GRN) 233

2 Notion Rain (GRN) 193

2 Rythm of the Wild (RNA) 201

1 Domri, Chaos Bringer (RNA) 166

2 Hinterland Harbor (DAR) 240

1 Woodland Cemetery (DAR) 248

3 Guildmages’ Forum (GRN) 250

1 Field of Ruin (XLN) 254

2 Drowned Catacomb (XLN) 253

1 Evolving Wilds (RIX) 186

2 Overgrown Tomb (GRN) 253

4 Watery Grave (GRN) 259

1 Blood Crypt (RNA) 245

1 Breeding Pool (RNA) 246

2 Gateway Plaza (WAR) 246

1 Plains (WAR) 250

1 Island (WAR) 253

1 Swamp (WAR) 256

1 Mountain (WAR) 259

1 Forest (WAR) 262

SB

2 Gaea’s Blessing (DAR) 161

1 Thought Erasure (GRN) 206

2 Expansion // Explosion (GRN) 224

2 Status // Statue (GRN) 230

2 Absorb (RNA) 151

2 Bedevil (RNA) 157

1 Ethereal Absolution (RNA) 170

2 Consecrate // Consume (RNA) 224

1 Hostage Taker (XLN) 223

Now I hear you, you want a real alternate win condition, not just relying on Etrata to do all the work - well I’ve got just the thing for you.

You hear of Treasure tokens? How about makin a whole mess o tokens? And then winning because you have SO MANY TOKENS?

What that? “I know where you’re going with this, and [[Revel in Riches]] is not good enough to win against T1-2 decks in standard.”

That’s where you’re wrong my friend! With enough planeswalkers, counterspells, and board wipes, I’m here to tell you that you can win with anything.

This deck has SIX board wipes and another THREE in the board! We’ve got SEVEN counterspells, including the on-brand [[Spell Swindle]] for those sweet, sweet Treasure tokens.

You know what my favorite thing is about Treasure tokens? You can play ANY color! That’s right, we’re running FIVE off-color planeswalkers to cast off those treasure tokens!

Fool your opponent into thinking you’re just a run-of-the-mill control deck, then surprise them with your Revel in Riches out of nowhere!

When this deck gets going, you’ll always have counter magic up to keep yourself protected, and you’ll always have a way to reset the board when your opponent lands a spooky creature!

Treasure Cruise

2 Teferi, Hero of Dominaria (DAR) 207

1 Narset, Parter of Veils (WAR) 61

2 Dovin’s Veto (WAR) 193

3 The Eldest Reborn (DAR) 90

1 Angrath, the Flame-Chained (RIX) 152

2 Spell Swindle (XLN) 82

2 Treasure Map (XLN) 250

1 Vraska, Relic Seeker (XLN) 232

1 Revel in Riches (XLN) 117

2 Search for Azcanta (XLN) 74

4 Dire Fleet Hoarder (XLN) 102

1 Negate (RIX) 44

1 Tezzeret, Artifice Master (M19) 79

2 Devious Cover-Up (GRN) 35

3 Ritual of Soot (GRN) 84

2 Ral, Izzet Viceroy (GRN) 195

1 Karn, Scion of Urza (DAR) 1

1 Vraska, Golgari Queen (GRN) 213

2 Smothering Tithe (RNA) 22

3 Kaya’s Wrath (RNA) 187

1 Godless Shrine (RNA) 248

2 Hallowed Fountain (RNA) 251

2 Plains (WAR) 250

2 Island (WAR) 253

2 Swamp (WAR) 256

1 Mountain (WAR) 259

1 Forest (WAR) 262

1 Isolated Chapel (DAR) 241

4 Watery Grave (GRN) 259

4 Drowned Catacomb (XLN) 253

1 Field of Ruin (XLN) 254

4 Glacial Fortress (XLN) 255

2 Evolving Wilds (RIX) 186

SB:

2 Cleansing Nova (M19) 9

1 Devious Cover-Up (GRN) 35

1 Price of Fame (GRN) 83

4 Thought Erasure (GRN) 206

1 Kaya’s Wrath (RNA) 187

1 The Wanderer (WAR) 37

1 Ashiok, Dream Render (WAR) 228

2 Blink of an Eye (DAR) 46

2 Vraska’s Contempt (XLN) 129

I can tell those decks weren’t quite spicy enough for you - you, you’re a mage of class! You deserve the best! You deserve to punish your opponent simply by drawing cards!

Let’s start off with the centerpiece of the deck, [[Satyr Enchanter]]. With this guy, you’re gonna be drawing cards like you wouldn’t believe - there’s a grand total of TWENTY-TWO enchantments ready to generate real value, and another NINE enchantments in the board.

Between [[Ixalan’s Binding]] and [[Seal Away]] you’ll have no trouble dealing with your opponent’s threats while drawing more and more cards.

What are we going to do with all that card draw? Well my friend, we’re going to eviscerate our opponent using [[Psychic Corrosion]] of course!

Not drawing enough cards by just casting enchantments? Well that’s what [[Patient Rebuilding]] and powerhouse [[Nezahal]] are for! Draw cards forever!

I present to you the peak of standard cheesing:

Bant Enchantress Mill

2 Search for Azcanta (XLN) 74

4 Glacial Fortress (XLN) 255

2 Patient Rebuilding (M19) 67

4 Psychic Corrosion (M19) 68

4 Gift of Paradise (M19) 184

4 Satyr Enchanter (M19) 223

2 Chemister’s Insight (GRN) 32

3 Devious Cover-Up (GRN) 35

4 Temple Garden (GRN) 258

2 Wilderness Reclamation (RNA) 149

1 Consecrate // Consume (RNA) 224

3 Breeding Pool (RNA) 246

2 Hallowed Fountain (RNA) 251

2 Plains (WAR) 250

1 Island (WAR) 253

2 Forest (WAR) 262

3 Hinterland Harbor (DAR) 240

4 Seal Away (DAR) 31

1 Teferi, Hero of Dominaria (DAR) 207

1 Nezahal, Primal Tide (RIX) 45

3 Settle the Wreckage (XLN) 34

3 Sunpetal Grove (XLN) 257

4 Ixalan’s Binding (XLN) 17

SB

3 Cleansing Nova (M19) 9

1 Nexus of Fate (M19) 306

3 Conclave Tribunal (GRN) 6

2 Eyes Everywhere (RNA) 38

2 Mass Manipulation (RNA) 42

2 Verity Circle (RNA) 58

2 Lawmage’s Binding (RNA) 190

  • @[email protected]
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    41 year ago

    this is the kind of content creation and activity I’m here for! Good on you, thanks for moving over to Lemmy <3 lovely post!

  • @TheLameSauceOP
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    1 year ago

    Alright now folks I know what you’re thinking - “how can you expect me to pilot something that size?? I’ll never get lands or I’ll flood! You can’t even fit it all in one comment!!!”

    Well rest assured, this decck has gone through rigorous testing in ranked historic, and I can tell you it is not only resilient, but fun as all get out! This here deck it chock full of utility lands that you can cycle, cast, scry, whatever you need to do to keep the gas flowing! We’ve got loads of duplicates of low mana legendary creatures and manarocks to keep you going in the early game. We’ve got an absolute mess of boardwipes and removal to stabalize you in the midgame. And. boy howdy do we have some splashy spells for the late game!

    HistorTHICC

    4 Kaya the Inexorable (KHM) 218

    9 Plains (NEO) 284

    8 Swamp (NEO) 288

    1 Ugin, the Ineffable (WAR) 2

    1 Karn, Scion of Urza (DAR) 1

    1 Mila, Crafty Companion (STX) 153

    1 Castle Locthwain (ELD) 241

    1 Davriel, Soul Broker (J21) 15

    1 Valki, God of Lies (KHM) 114

    1 Sorin the Mirthless (VOW) 131

    1 Liliana, Waker of the Dead (M21) 108

    1 Liliana, Dreadhorde General (WAR) 97

    1 Phyrexian Tower (JMP) 493

    4 Mox Amber (DAR) 224

    1 Eater of Virtue (NEO) 245

    1 Hope of Ghirapur (KLR) 243

    1 Shadowspear (THB) 236

    4 Coldsteel Heart (CSP) 136

    2 Isamaru, Hound of Konda (JMP) 113

    1 Shaile, Dean of Radiance (STX) 158

    1 Tomik, Distinguished Advokist (WAR) 34

    3 Valentin, Dean of the Vein (STX) 161

    1 Kambal, Consul of Allocation (KLR) 198

    1 Lurrus of the Dream-Den (IKO) 226

    4 Baleful Mastery (STX) 64

    2 Takenuma, Abandoned Mire (NEO) 278

    4 Brightclimb Pathway (ZNR) 259

    1 Concealed Courtyard (KLR) 282

    4 Godless Shrine (RNA) 248

    2 Isolated Chapel (DAR) 241

    1 Shineshadow Snarl (STX) 272

    3 Reduce to Memory (STX) 25

    4 Extinction Event (IKO) 88

    3 Urza’s Ruinous Blast (DAR) 39

    1 Mikaeus, the Lunarch (JMP) 123

    1 Killian, Ink Duelist (STX) 197

    1 Primevals’ Glorious Rebirth (DAR) 201

    1 Sphere of Annihilation (AFR) 121

    1 Castle Ardenvale (ELD) 238

    4 Thoughtseize (AKR) 127

    1 Reidane, God of the Worthy (KHM) 21

    1 The Wandering Emperor (NEO) 42

    1 Teshar, Ancestor’s Apostle (DAR) 36

    1 Shalai, Voice of Plenty (DAR) 35

    1 Kenrith, the Returned King (ELD) 303

    1 Liliana of the Veil (DMU) 97

    1 Gonti, Lord of Luxury (JMP) 240

    1 Massacre Girl (WAR) 99

    2 A-The Meathook Massacre (MID) 112

    1 Elas il-Kor, Sadistic Pilgrim (DMU) 198

    1 Ratadrabik of Urborg (DMU) 213

    1 Arvad the Cursed (DAR) 191

    1 Caves of Koilos (DMU) 244

    4 Shattered Sanctum (VOW) 264

    2 Temple of Silence (M20) 256

    1 Captain Eberhart (Y22) 3

    1 Arvad, Weatherlight Smuggler (Y23) 20

    1 Fabled Passage (ELD) 244

    1 Field of Ruin (MID) 262

    2 Forsaken Crossroads (Y22) 63

    2 Plaza of Heroes (DMU) 252

    1 The Celestus (MID) 252

    1 Klement, Novice Acolyte (HBG) 1

    1 Shadowheart, Sharran Cleric (HBG) 10

    1 Skrelv, Defector Mite (ONE) 33

    1 Loran of the Third Path (BRO) 12

    1 Loran, Disciple of History (BRO) 13

    1 Myrel, Shield of Argive (BRO) 18

    1 Elesh Norn, Mother of Machines (ONE) 10

    1 Braids, Arisen Nightmare (DMU) 84

    1 Gix, Yawgmoth Praetor (BRO) 95

    1 A-Nashi, Moon Sage’s Scion (NEO) 114

    2 Frodo, Sauron’s Bane (LTR) 18

    1 Flowering of the White Tree (LTR) 15

    1 Horn of the Mark (LTR) 241

    1 Stone of Erech (LTR) 251

    1 Mirror of Galadriel (LTR) 244

    4 Secluded Steppe (ONS) 324

    4 Barren Moor (ONS) 312

    1 Irrigated Farmland (AKR) 304

    2 Indatha Triome (IKO) 248

    2 Raffine’s Tower (SNC) 254

    1 Eiganjo, Seat of the Empire (NEO) 268

    3 The Fair Basilica (ONE) 252

    1 Kabira Takedown (ZNR) 19

    1 Barad-dûr (LTR) 253

    1 Emeria’s Call (ZNR) 12

    1 Ondu Inversion (ZNR) 30

    3 Gate of the Black Dragon (HBG) 77

    1 The Dross Pits (ONE) 251

    1 Memorial to Folly (DAR) 242

    1 Malakir Rebirth (ZNR) 111

    1 Hagra Mauling (ZNR) 106

    1 Agadeem’s Awakening (ZNR) 90

    1 Profane Procession (RIX) 166

    1 Blightstep Pathway (KHM) 252

    1 Canyon Slough (AKR) 284

    1 Mount Doom (LTR) 258

    1 Darkbore Pathway (KHM) 254

    1 Needleverge Pathway (ZNR) 263

    1 Branchloft Pathway (ZNR) 258

    1 Scattered Groves (AKR) 327

    2 The World Tree (KHM) 275

    2 Savai Triome (IKO) 253

    2 A-Dungeon Descent (AFR) 255

    1 Bonders’ Enclave (IKO) 245

    1 Cryptic Caves (M20) 244

    1 Demolition Field (BRO) 260

    1 Roadside Reliquary (NEO) 272

    1 The Grey Havens (LTR) 255

    4 Ritual of Soot (GRN) 84

    2 Phial of Galadriel (LTR) 248

    1 Azor’s Gateway (RIX) 176

    1 Anafenza, Kin-Tree Spirit (MUL) 66

    1 Samwise the Stouthearted (LTR) 28

    1 Boromir, Warden of the Tower (LTR) 4

    1 Gideon Blackblade (WAR) 13

    1 Rasaad, Monk of Selûne (HBG) 4

    1 Thalia, Heretic Cathar (SIR) 49

    1 Faramir, Field Commander (LTR) 14

    1 Mangara, the Diplomat (M21) 27

    1 War of the Last Alliance (LTR) 36

    1 Gandalf the White (LTR) 19

    1 Minas Tirith (LTR) 256

    2 Ashnod, Flesh Mechanist (BRO) 84

    1 Gollum, Scheming Guide (LTR) 292

    1 Viconia, Nightsinger’s Disciple (HBG) 11

    1 Vraan, Executioner Thane (ONE) 114

    1 Drana, Liberator of Malakir (JMP) 225

    1 Gisa, Glorious Resurrector (MID) 103

    1 Sheoldred, the Apocalypse (DMU) 107

    1 Sheoldred (MOM) 125

    1 Witch-king of Angmar (LTR) 114

    1 Yawgmoth’s Vile Offering (DAR) 114

    1 Professor Onyx (STX) 83

    1 Arek, False Goldwarden (Y23) 17

    1 Jirina, Dauntless General (MAT) 32

    1 Sorin, Vengeful Bloodlord (WAR) 217

    1 Raddic, Tal Zealot (Y23) 22

    1 The Kenriths’ Royal Funeral (MAT) 34

    1 Firja, Judge of Valor (MUL) 105

    1 Liesa, Forgotten Archangel (MID) 232

    1 Kethis, the Hidden Hand (M20) 211

    1 Golos, Tireless Pilgrim (M20) 226

    1 Timeless Lotus (DMU) 239

    1 Blackblade Reforged (BRR) 6

    1 Palantír of Orthanc (LTR) 247

    3 Relic of Legends (DMU) 236

    1 The One Ring (LTR) 246

    1 Thran Temporal Gateway (DAR) 233

    4 Desert of the True (AKR) 291

    3 Gate to the Citadel (HBG) 80

    2 Desert of the Glorified (AKR) 288

    1 Silverquill Campus (STX) 273

    4 Angel of Suffering (SNC) 67

    1 Great Hall of the Citadel (LTR) 254

    1 Obscura Storefront (SNC) 252

    1 Spire of Industry (KLR) 285

  • MikeM
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    31 year ago

    I love this!! The Bant Enchantress Mill deck looks fun. I might see how that one goes. More jank please!