Hobbies, exercise, friends, family, and just putting yourself out there when you’re ready. Also, time.

What you do?

You start getting into Linux, buy open source t shirts, grow a beard, listen to Stallman talks, and stop interacting with normies ever again. Only communicate through text travelling over open source technologies.

Make sure you spend enough hours in front of a keyboard to get a very pale skin color, reddish eyes and a rounded spine and neck. Pull down curtains so you see your screen better and avoid sunlight.

Drink lots of soda while sitting completely still so you gain fat and lose muscles.

I use Arch btw.

If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.

-Markus Aurelius

I had something similar happen a few years back. I had matched on tinder with someone from a different state that I actually met years ago in high school. I hadn’t really been interested in him that way back then, but we reconnected and it was intense. We talked everyday and our birthdays both fell on the same weekend, so I went down there to visit him and celebrate together. Only a couple days in, he told me one night that he was falling in love with me. We built a pillow fort, partied, and went hiking together. I was absolutely smitten and so excited to start something new.

I ended up putting off the rest of my road trip to stay longer with him. However, when I finally did leave, I was driving through miles of desert when he texted me and said that he actually didn’t see anything happening between us. He said that he wanted someone who knew when to “leave him the f alone” and wasn’t looking for someone who wanted something super deep, but more so just companionship. It felt like such a rejection of who I was and I was gutted. I felt like it was somehow my fault. Since I didn’t have signal, it was a rough drive alone with my thoughts.

Towards the end of the night, I ended up texting with a friend about it while I camped out (still on my road trip). It sucked at the time but looking back, he was kind of a prick. He had no shame about leading me on and he picked on me for little things while I was visiting him.

It’s usually a bad sign when things feel so intense right off the bat. It’s only easy for this guy to leave because he really doesn’t know you well enough to know what he’s missing out on. It might feel like you missed some chance, but it isn’t your fault that this happened and there wasn’t more you could do. Be gentle with yourself. ❤️ This guy wasn’t honest with himself or with you about his feelings, and he ended up hurting you for it. It’s clear to me that he likely isn’t mature enough for you. Remind yourself that you were willing to go the distance, right? You did everything you could have. You want someone who will go the distance with you and follow you to the ends of the earth, and tbh, it’s much more likely something to do with him, not you. Meaning that even if the distance wasn’t an issue, you don’t know if it would work either.

And you don’t have to get over it right away. It’s okay to just kind of drag through the days for a bit. But keep socializing, because other nice (and even attractive!) people will remind you that you still have something left and you’re worth kindness from others. And do things for yourself. When I get lost after heartbreak, what has helped a lot is going for walks or hikes, sometimes on trails where the signal is iffy (so I don’t expect a surprise text), with an audiobook or some music. I really wish you the most kindness. Feel free to shoot me a message if you need any extra support, I’ve been there.

Time heals all wounds. Make sure you don’t keep reopening them.

Brains are very good at eventually becoming comfortable with a new normal.

They’re also good at being distracted temporarily.

If you can keep yourself busy with positive things (self improvement, cleaning, exercise, cooking), you give your brain space to become accustomed to the new status quo.

Meeting new people is always a good thing to do too, something to keep the social part of your brain from wallowing. Maybe join a local social activity (walking/hiking groups are great).

Eve: Time changes everything.
Dr. Gregory House: That’s what people say, it’s not true. Doing things changes things. Not doing things leaves things exactly as they were.
-House

Make new memories people. If you’re a friend of someone in this position make sure to get them out and do things.

For feelings, the only way out is through. It sucks, but you gotta feel 'em to let 'em go. I’m sorry you’re hurting.

You can’t really judge whether you would work long term, based on a relationship with someone who’s in travel or on vacation. People are more fun, generous, open, adventurous when traveling. It can be amazing and worth it, but the person (and the relationship) would not be that way forever.

Even in the first month of a normal relationship, its the honeymoon, desperately hopelessly in love phase. Add on the fact that he was traveling in another country -away from the pressures and doldrums of normal life - yeah, it was amazing. But he wouldn’t be that way forever. You had a special glimpse of the best he could be, but that’s not necessarily who he is every day, year in and year out.

But to answer your question: you have to actively make an effort to move on. It’s hard but try to do your best to see it as a fun experience that is in the past. You learned something from it - that you can love and be loved. And that you can love and let go, and move on as a stronger version of yourself.

Do you want some good news? You probably dodged a bullet. Based on what you’re saying, he wouldn’t be a good person for a long-term relationship, even if you two lived near each other.

Have any of you gone through something similar? If so, how did you cope with it?

Kind of. She broke up once she decided to go back with her parents (NB: she was around 24yo, I was 20), and we two had no pretension to keep a distance relationship.

In your situation I’d probably recommend focusing on the things that you need to finish this week. And when they’re over, find something else to keep yourself busy. Time heals.

Time and keeping busy are the only things that help. You’re going to obsess over this regardless, but it will get better with time. Just try to keep your mind occupied.

I’m sorry to hear about your heartbreak. been there, it sucks. what I find helpful is a little bit of pampering (live show, bubble bath, etc). a change of scenery or visiting friends can help as well. I know it may should silly, but if you need to talk about it, chatGPT is an option that can be easier to be open with. I’d offer to listen, but that would sound creepy from a random stranger on the Internet. 😜

• I got so attached is because I very rarely meet guys I’m genuinely interested in

Yup, it seems like u were a lot more invested in the relationship than him

• Was there anything that made it easier to accept, or do I just need to let time do its thing?

That depends entirely on how u want to cope with it, some people (my self included) do some work out to sweat those feelings, some others go on a journey to experience any debauchery known to mankind, some other just drink some tea/coffee and call it a day.

Just do something that already makes u happy or try something new that u think is gonna make u feel better.

You probably dodged a bullet there. This sounds a lot like someone who is already in a relationship or at the very least has a similarly strong reason to move on. Did they invite you over or was it always about them coming over?

Only time really works for me. This will be extra tough on you because the first month of a relationship is peak honeymoon phase. We rarely see any negatives. The other person is essentially perfect in our eyes during that period. And that’s the memory and expectations you’re left with. In truth though, you have at best only met the tip of the iceberg. You’re not craving a person but rather the ideal your mind has built for them.

In the past, I just kept myself busy. I threw myself into work and my hobbies. If I got hit with a sudden wave of depression, I’d just take a deep breath, accept that it hurts, and try to refocus on whatever I was doing. Rinse and repeat until it eventually just stopped mattering to me.

I also told myself that if I’m having to convince someone to stay with me, we probably aren’t as compatible as I’d imagined we were. And if I need a second person in my life to feel fulfilled, all that means is that I’m not living a fulfilling life for myself in the first place. That’s worth changing before even considering finding a partner. Finally, even if I convinced that person to return to me, I honestly wouldn’t feel the same way about them anymore, so what’s the point? There was probably someone better for me out there anyway (spoiler: there was).

Start doing stuff for yourself that you can be proud of and brag about. Start accomplishing something you know you would never have if that other person stayed in your life. Give yourself a reason to love yourself before even considering bringing another person into the picture, because it’s not fair to them or yourself if you need to depend upon them just to be happy.