WASHINGTON—Despite polls that show the American public overwhelmingly supports keeping the ancient burial chamber sealed, the Supreme Court ruled 6-3 Friday to pry open the evil tomb of Batibat, a vengeful spirit who haunts the dream space of her victims and suffocates them in their sleep. The ruling, which overturns a 1972 decision by the […]
  • @[email protected]English
    21•9 hours ago

    this one is really well written

    “Today, a historic wrong has been righted, and the catacomb of the tempestuous Batibat will again be unsealed,” wrote Alito, laying out a scathing repudiation of Pell v. Bangungot, the highly publicized case that originally entombed the grotesque monster’s sulfurous form in a specially made osmium vault. “Contemporaneous accounts provide no evidence the Founding Fathers envisioned a role for the federal government in vanquishing this unholy entity from the face of the earth.”

  • Noble ShiftEnglish
    49•14 hours ago

    I’m … I’m so very tired of having to check if it’s actually Onion or not … seriously.

    • @BreadOvenEnglish
      22•13 hours ago

      I guess it’s half that they’re doing a really good job at satire and half that we’ve come to expect the worst because of the absurdity of the world we live in.

      Unfortunate, really. Really unfortunate.