Everyone knows you leave a space to the next urinal, today someone violated that and caused what I will now describe as the most significant life event of my year.

I had driven 4 hours to work this morning, so I was ready to burst when I got to the office. I was also tired and confused from a lack of sleep.

I step up to the urinal, in a bit of a hurry. As I’m unpacking, some guy docks into the adjacent station to do the same. It throws me off a bit, because there’s a whole wall of empty porcelain but bro wanted to tandem with me. Ok, sure. Open the tap and get this over with. Feels like pee is peeing.

As I’ve been taking in the situation and sorting myself out, I didn’t realise that my insubordinate foreskin had sealed itself up into a penis tortellini.

Without any chance to give warning to my range buddy, or divert the phallic blunderbuss, a piss bubble forms and explodes like Mount St Helens in 1980 (sideways).

I couldn’t have aimed worse if I tried. It must have seemed like I did it on purpose.

My neighbour is covered in my piss. What the fuck do you do to survive this.

  • Dr. Wesker
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    4223 days ago

    You have to dock your penis tortellinis together, and create a ladsagna.

    • @Luvs2SpujOP
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      1323 days ago

      Thank you, Doctor. I’ll bring it up when I see them in the coffee queue.

  • @Iheartcheese
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    2723 days ago

    Next time you see him get in his face and tell him he deserved it.

    • @Zorque
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      2223 days ago

      “Are you fucking sorry?!”

  • @[email protected]
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    23 days ago

    It’s an unfortunate turn of events, but the only way out now is to kill your coworker, assume his identity and marry his wife.

    Them’s the rules.

  • @SendMePhotos
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    1823 days ago

    Sounds like the rules are there for a reason.

  • @SpaceNoodle
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    1823 days ago

    “THAT’S WHAT YOU FUCKING GET”

  • @TropicalDingdong
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    1523 days ago

    …my insubordinate foreskin had sealed itself up into a penis tortellini.

    Hahahah.

    My neighbour is covered in my piss. What the fuck do you do to survive this.

    AHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHAHHHHAAAAHAHAHAHAAH

    • @Luvs2SpujOP
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      823 days ago

      Depends what you are into, but those are still wise words. Perhaps I’ll get them on a plaque above the crime scene.

  • @BreadOven
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    623 days ago

    What the hell is even that?!