Sort of feels like sitting on a cliff, legs dangling over kicking back and forth, seeing if the meteor’s gonna hit us or miss us.

Anxiety spiking(or should I say spookying) hard.

My company laid off 80% of staff for reasons I can only say are pure greed related. Number will look real good next year. I was spared for god knows why, but I’m full on job searching again. So, thanks for letting me vent that. Fuck these business dicks

The week is going alright, though Halloween not as much. I’m cosplaying and giving out candy, and last year people backlashed because I was giving out cotton candy which they complained took up too much space in their bags (the year before that, I gave out fruit, same reaction since people want candy). This year I have been giving out candy canes. Same reaction, since they say they don’t want anything to do with Christmas until after Halloween or after Thanksgiving. So this doesn’t seem to be my day.

Had a cosplay on of Stephanie Dola, but it got soaked in the rain earlier, so I changed into a backup cosplay, of Yoko Littner. I was originally going to go as a number of other characters but ended up doing those earlier and didn’t want to just redo them, plus the Yoko Littner cosplay is easy to wear something over. An autistic trick-or-treater recognized the character and wanted a picture after the point when I had put some of my everyday clothes on over the cosplay due to it being cold (while not getting rid of the cosplay, plus I was still handing out candy), but he got intensely scolded because his family and peers didn’t recognize the character and it sounded like he was randomly trying to ask an uncostumed person to undress from how it came off, and I feel sorry for him. I’m not outside the request and hope he’s socially alright.

I’m soaking wet. My kids wanted to go trick or treating, but there’s a storm at the moment with sideways rain. So I followed them in my car until I decided it was enough. Two of them had already capitulated, but the 3rd and a friend wanted to keep going.

Helping them in/out as well as helping their friend getting the bike out was enough weather exposure for me to get properly soaked - all of my kids were completely drenched, but they had a good time.

They’re currently eating Halloween candy, and I’m looking forward to a hot shower with a cold beer once they’re in bed in not too long.

Oh, and I got a new laptop today, which is pretty nice. Haven’t had much time setting everything up yet, though.

An unfortunate situation where I’ve had 8 dates with a woman that I’m really into, but she barely texts between dates and I don’t know how to interpret that. Like, when we’re together it’s all very affectionate and fun, but between dates it’ll be like 2 days before I get a response to “are you coming to my party on Saturday?”. She also sort of flaked on soft plans without a word once.

We talked about it back around date 4. She mentioned a guy she’d been seeing had gotten very integrated and then abruptly bailed on her recently, and she thinks a lot of texting can create a false sense of intimacy. And she doesn’t want to formalize into partners, but keep it at “we’re dating”.

But I’m like not texting certainly creates a sense of distance and disinterest, but I don’t know if it’s false.

So my plan is to look for someone else. If she comes around and wants to be responsive, I’d be happy. But this is stressing me out. It’s a bummer because she’s a lot of things I want and haven’t had in previous partners.

Edit: she texted me that I’ve been lovely and patient and kind, and it’s not fair to me that she’s been so checked out. She said she’s going to step back from dating and focus on her job, but hopes I find what I’m looking for.

On the one hand this is devastating because I could have loved her. On the other… well, there’s not really another hand. It sucks.

Ok n u