I have been trying out various therapy services lately (they all suck and do nothing, but that’s another topic). One of the things that the therapists always ask/say is if I do “self care” or tell me to do more “self care”. They talk about all kinds of different things that range from eating right to eating something as a treat to exercising to going for a walk to finding a hobby to etc.
So it seems like “self care” is literally anything that benefits your existence. And I’m quite frankly confused. I live alone and have zero responsibilities outside of work. Isn’t every moment of every day when I’m not working considered self care? When I go home at the end of the day, I have dinner and dick around on the internet. I don’t have kids or pets so there’s nothing else to worry about. I don’t have any extra responsibilities. My continued existence is “self care”. I don’t get it.
What I would understand in all of this is if I had maybe like kids or a sick family member I had to take care of. Is that who “self care” is for? People that have extra responsibilities? Because for those of us loners, basically our entire existence is self care. So I’m confused at what any of that is supposed to accomplish. I already do everything for myself.
Self-care for me has a lot to do with intent. A good friend of mine calls most leisure activity “masturbating.” If all you’re doing is watching TV, scrolling feeds, playing games, etc, you’re technically being entertained, but you’re not really benefiting yourself in any way and you’re not truly engaged.
Alternatively, real self care is often meditative in some way. Something that you’re purposely doing to separate yourself from consumption and focus on your mental state. Even treating a morning routine seriously enough can count if you can work in planned time to meditate or similar.
I think it comes down to mindfulness. If it’s something you do without thinking, I don’t think it counts as self-care.
Actively improving your mental, physical, or spiritual state, as opposed to idle down time. Goofing around on the Internet is not self care, it’s down time. Working on a hobby doing art, or exercising is self care.
So I always imagine it a bit like this.
Imagine you are playing the SIMS, lo and behold you are your own SIM. But the objective in the corner doesn’t specify money, it specifies well-being and happiness.
Your SIM is only programmed to take care of their base necessities, but those will only get your well-being and happiness bars up about 20%.
What do you do to fill them up the rest of the way? Mind you, some ways to fill the bars will be counterintuitive, like exercise, or learning a new skill. Though it needn’t be those specifically.
And to make it harder, there is a diminishing return even on things that work, so you have to be sure to add variety, just a little, to keep the bars going up.
The most important thing, is you need to genuinely want what’s best for yourself. Not what’s most comfortable, but what’s best. There is no answer anyone can give you to what that best something is, you have to answer that for yourself.
And if all of this seems like stupid bullshit to you, well this is just my own opinion, to which I make no claim has it’s origin in the mind of greatness.
Ice Cream is almost always self care
I don’t think there’s even a definitive category for it, it’s basically anything that you do because you like it. Like splurging on food once in a while, watching good movie, take a day off and just relax, go out for a walk, going the vacation you always wanted to, buy that thing that you’ve been keep on hold for some times, pet a snake, go for a hike, anything that you can do to yourself and can help you calm yourself down and makes you happy.
They always asked this because everyone is so different, defining it for their patient is hard, you need to know it yourself. How long ago since you’ve changed your afterwork habit? Maybe they think you doing the same thing over and over again is the reason you’re stuck in this situation? Baring being send by someone else demand, you gonna need to know why you seek therapy in the first place. Actually THEY need to help you figure out, so i understand why you said they’re terrible at that.
Personally, doing “selfcare” is doing something i like that i don’t do regularly. Getting froyo is one, splurging on food is another, hiking as well.
It’s a broad category.
Good health practices are the foundation–diet, exercise, hygiene, sleep, hydration, etc. Then it comes down to things that contribute to your happiness. Things that just kill time aren’t really fulfilling for the most part, you want something that feels like you’re actually developing some happiness in a more time-investment sort of way. This usually involves either creating or improving something in some fashion. What form this takes varies tremendously from person to person, for some its learning, it can be art, it can be gardening, it can be social activities, it can even be watching movies if you’re actively consuming, where you’re thinking and growing as you watch. Common with movie buffs who can break down the ins and outs of films, they acquired that skill by watching and thinking about lots of different movies. For a big sports fan, watching or playing sports can qualify.
The key that binds them all together is there’s something that can progress, something that you value that can be built further up or otherwise gained.
When they say self care, they want you to think about things in this way. Like, smoking a whole shitload of weed might be really enjoyable, but is there anything developed or gained there? If not, even though it might feel good, that wouldn’t be self care.
Star working out at home or do yoga at home. Notice how you feel afterwards, try to find that feeling in other things like hobbies, dinners, whatever.That’s a simple start.
The word self care is just the modern capsule we put whatever the meaning of that feeling inside of.
Self care is pretty much what you make of it.
But the key is that it is something that makes life more bearable, improves your situation, and/or makes you relaxed/happy.
However, it isn’t work related, it isn’t something that you do because you’re obligated (because it ends up being a stressor eventually, even when it’s something otherwise beneficial), and it isn’t things that are just pleasure seeking like smoking weed, even though it may well fit other criteria. That last is because chasing pleasure ends up causing as much trouble as help.
But, yeah, if you have minimal responsibilities, don’t have much work stress, and you’re fulfilled by how you spend your time, you don’t really need the psychological types of self care, though you might need more physical self care like exercise.
For me, it’s things that I enjoy, but which might not be productive on their own. I need to be able to focus on something like that for a long time, occasionally. That’s probably not the right word for it, but since it benefits me, I call it self-care. Sort of like video games, but not always.
In my experience, it’s usually a term used to sell you something. Often, it’s a ploy to get you to shell out the money for a luxury good under the guise that it’s somehow good for you.
If a therapist is telling it to you, it seems a bit lazy to me. Really, i think they should be saying something along the lines of “make sure to keep some of your time intentionally set aside to do things you enjoy”.
