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- cross-posted to:
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We moved for climate change, if I moved to be near friends it would be hot shit holes, heavily reliving on AC and car centeism with poor weather outcomes.
So…no :).
That aside, you know if you move you can make new friends yeah ?
I mean, I haven’t stopped to read the article yet (gonna save it for later) but it seems like a pretty fair priority to consider when moving, or when considering the possibility of moving
We move for jobs, and for family, really good friends are a sincerly precious thing, and are at least as important as those reasons to move.
The article makes a similar point, overlapping with the ”the extended family we chose" argument, both of which have some merit.
However, personally I have experienced that friendships are a product of the circumstances and old friends are often only held together by nostalgia for the times when circumstances brought them together. Thus as a result of this, I think continuing friendships like described in the article isn’t that much different from finding new friendships when the circumstances allow it.
I agree with your points. Though for me a big difference has been friends I made before ~25 and friends after 25. There is no way I would want to live anywhere near friends I made before that age. Being in my early thirties, who knows how I’ll feel 10 years down the line. Doing this communal living is a big commitment which might be hard to get out of.
Same! Pre / post uni friends is the rough line for me. I have one friend from school still, a few from uni but the rest is more recent than that.
Still, I’d argue (re the previous post but my reply fit better here) that even the “nostalgia friends” aren’t any different from birth family.
Family just comes with more inherent guilt to uphold the nostalgia lol
I hear that. But my wife and I regularly debate about the role of family. I don’t know if it’s more American culture to view family as more “disposable”, e.g. they can be cut-off if toxic, etc. Being originally an (eastern) European, my mentality is that family (or blood-bonds to be dramatic) are always more serious than friends. To that end, I always thought having a large villa with multiple wings for multi-generational housing would be more appealing. My mother and wife (stereotype much?) don’t get along, so maybe a challenging proposition…
The idea of the family is so pernicious when it is used to justify abuse and avoiding responsibility and consequences of bad behavior. Cutting people off when they’re consistently being harmful assholes shouldn’t be contigent upon blood relation or any other kind of personal or group association and all the people selling “family is forever” or “traditional family values” are doing it because they themselves are the abusive asshole that doesn’t want to be cut out
American culture is changing. It used to be that family bonds were the tightest, and we had generational housing, but that started going away during the great depression when a lot of family farms shut down and people lost the house they’d been in for generations. We also don’t like to talk about the amount of generational trauma that came from both the world wars, and that was another nail in the coffin of family life. The most recent blow has been the economy, where both parents need to work and don’t have the time to build the bonds with their children that are needed for a tight-knit family unit.
Good arguments in this thread! Cheers
Idk im from central/western europe too. For me family is a difficult topic, since I’d like to cut some out but i dont have the heart to go through with it fully.
So low contact it is. Idk what the future holds, but i cant see myself caring for that part of the family personally. Sure, I’ll arrange caretakers etc but I’m never gonna have that person live in my hypothetical mansion.
Oh this is so not the case with me but I was a science major so my friends were all big nerds. I sorta like the dorm setup. Granted I would want my own place but man it allowed you to concentrate without everyday things getting in the way.
@Cris_Color @poVoq If I had the choice I would move for friends. Where I am is a little isolated and that impacts me more than I’d like to admit.
🫂 I have a very isolating sleep disorder (I’m only awake at night which makes it hard to see folks even if they live nearby)
Isolation is rough. Sending love from my corner of the world to yours.
@Cris_Color thank you. You have no idea how relevant this is right now.
You’re very welcome my friend ❤️
no one moves for a job of equivalent compensation though. either its because its a choice of job or no job or a choice of job at x pay vs job at 2x pay. its hard to compare that to the rest because its needed ot afford a place to live.
Thats a very fair point actually.
I would love to, and when I buy a house sometime in the future that is a major consideration for me. Unfortunately, right now I have to live where I can afford to. I have had to move almost every year since graduating college and have never been able to take that into consideration due to finances. Even now, hubby and I will likely be given his parents’ current house that is much further away from our friends, and we are taking the opportunity because we can’t afford not to.
The dream would be to get the closest group together to buy land (or take them with to the family home if there’s space), to build a community together.
Do these dreams require remote work? When we bought a house, proximity to public transportation and centers of employment were large considerations. How can that be resolved if some people working in “the big city” while others work remotely and others work in an exurban location?
Thats a big “depends”.
A lot of us are in tech, so remote is a possibility. Alternatively nearby the big city we live in currently would be ideal. However in my heart of hearts I’d hope that we could arrange in a way where only those that want to work do work. The rest take care of the house, the garden…
What are these “friends” you speak of?
I don’t think many people have a choice. You know at one point parents went way out of their way to encourage kids to live close by but that seemed to change to when your 18 your out of the house. In college I thought about how it would be so awesome to live in something like a dorm in a city where everyone in the dorm were people you gelled with.
Yes, but not to Texas.
If they are at the minimum of 1 block away from me, sure.
