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Trying to move cause Ive been wanting start hrt but moving out of red hell seems Impossible so
I came out to the one person that matters most, and everything was OK. Like better than OK. What was the point of all that internal torture I put myself through? Finally feel like I can breathe again.
Still think the gods are having a huge laugh at my expense over the timing though.
Aww, that’s great <3 I’m so glad it went well.
Edit: actually now that I come to think of it, the timing is probably not a coincidence – it’s the Streisand effect. All the transphobic noise at the moment has pushed transgender people into the public consciousness, and that has probably helped a lot of people figure themselves out. At least, I think it had a big part in cracking my egg. So thanks, crazy people!
In retrospect, it’s funny to me now that I was feeling afraid and sick to my stomach to the point of shaking and nearly throwing up, and their response was just so relaxed and cool. I asked if they weren’t surprised and the answer was no.
Like… WHO AM I FOOLING? ONLY MYSELF? DID EVERYONE ELSE GET THE MEMO FIRST?
Exactly the same here. Screwing myself up preparing to potentially destroy my family, and the response was “well, yeah, you’ve always had that kind of air about you”
The closet is made of glass, people :3
scared :c
Me too female sign emoji hexadecimal, me too.
Hugs.
Started seeing a counsellor to help me process stuff. Feels more productive than calling Samaritans again, but it’s good they are there, v grateful. Being genderfluid is tiring because one moment I know what I want, clear as day, the next I don’t feel it.
Good and bad. I seem to be stuck in a “I’m really happy with feminizing HRT, but I’m faking being a woman” brain loop. Having switched to patches I have the fun of titrating up again, so it might just be poor hormone levels making me feel shitty.
Went out the other day in as full girl-mode as I can manage. It was fun, and easily the least dissatisfied I’ve ever been with my appearance.
Wife is reluctant to use my new name. Which is a bit surprising since she’s been supportive so far, so I guess I’ll have to try to find out what’s bothering her and (gently) explain that this is a big deal, and it’s not going to go away.
Ewphoria! An older guy that knows me (but I’m not yet out to) said something that roughly translates to “you look so much like a woman I almost want to feel your ass.” Which is, um, a weird thing to say. But kind of validating. So thanks, but no thanks, I guess?
Your comment made me realize with new clarity how much male relationships are built on a shock factor comedic antics and edgy humor, which include casual homophobia and misogyny, racism or just generally “punching down.”
But also, ick.
Don’t remind me! The number of cringy memories I have of saying something utterly obscene just for the shock lulz. Man, I used to be such a miserable person. I hope that’s over now.
Ugh, same. Can’t bear to think how many people I must have alienated or hurt with such behavior. I suppose there’s nothing to be done about the past, but listen to its lessons to be better, kinder me in the future.
I feel like I’m in the waning days of whatever freedom allowed me to transition, and that I or people like me will end up as genocide statistics in a ravaged world. It’s been hard to get up every day.
I also feel that and I’m trying to figure out which country would be best to move to to avoid this threat
I feel that. I came to realise I was transfem earlier last year and I live on TERF Island, so we traded one transphobic government for another one. It’s hard, and I’m still figuring out what I’m going to do about it 🙁
Same… I’m trying to get things sorted as soon as I can, and hopefully starting monotherapy soon, but even then I’m still gonna have to keep an eye on supply chains and government policies potentially forever from the look of things. I’m scared, for myself and everyone else both here and in the rest of the world. None of us asked for this but it’s all framed like it’s our fault somehow
It’s a special kind of hell isn’t it? I’m flip-flopping between “I’ll just suppress it, my dysphoria isn’t too bad” and fatalistic “I’m just gonna fucking do it and fuck everyone who argues 🖕” Current plan is to LARP as a cis guy being very obnoxiously pro-trans, I can at least hopefully make some TERFs uncomfortable that way
It’s… not great. I won’t lie, I am pretty fucking scared right now. Europe is turning more right wing every day and I feel like it is all going to shit very soon.
