This is where you come for the shit advices i am afraid. I am not qualified to give piss related advice. Just the shitty.

If this is an emergency please dial 911

Is there snow around? If so, write your name in the snow.

Otherwise, piss as high as you can on a tree, a lamppost, or the corner of a building to mark your territory and assert your dominance.

Immediately fall on your back, open your mouth as wide as possible, and reclaim that golden goodness