They want to take out the comedy and tragedy contests as well. What are we supposed to watch in the amphitheatre?
Well then again Lord Dionysos would like everybody to join our festivities.
I say invite them, the gods will surely favour us!
Barbarians aren’t even humans. How could they possibly compete with us? It’s like competing with a dog or an oyster. Worse, in fact. You can beat a dog when it is impudent to you. Or eat it. All you can do with barbarians is run them through with a sword. Boring, boring, boring. What’s next, allowing slaves to compete? What has happened Greece?
Hmm… now hear me out, what if - and now I’m just throwing ideas around - we make an arena for the barbarians to compete in with wild animals and we watch…? It could be circular arena, hmm yes. Then I can still compete naked and all oiled up (just avoid being grappled while boxing, same goes for the other man!) with all my
favouritesworn enemies from mighty Greece!I like the idea, but how do we make it into a sport where we can have winners and losers? The animal that eats the most barbarians wins? I mean there has to be something to bet on.
Yes yes! That’s a magnificient idea! And maybe Lord Zeus appears as an animal! You know, like all the times he has… Oh right. We know what has happened to humans when Zeus appears as an animal. Maybe it’s not such a good idea if we are to let children in…
Barbarians have those hilariously large cocks.
So undignified.
We will wrestle naked and that’s the end of the competition.
Nonsense! It mocks the gods. Would they have women, slaves and livestock compete as well?
Slaves and livestock I can see, but women?!
Why not? So long as it is in segregated events with oversight to ensure the spectators do not crowd. They should be allowed to show the gifts the Gods gave to them. So long as a father, or brother acts as escort to ensure that they are of proper character and to negotiate any marriage proposals.
The Gods do not give gifts to barbarians! What a horrific thought!
Nono I’m talking about women competing. let them. With proper attendance and oversight from a male relative it may even be a civic good to foster competition. What better way to showcase a household’s suitability amongst its peers. They would naturally be barred from wrestling or boxing, but sprints, vault, and other such events may well be excellent opportunities. This would naturally need far more robust oversight to ensure the crowds in attendance know their place and mind themselves, but it may be worth discussing further.
Granted I’m not completely against Barbarians competing in segregated or exhibition events. However in a contest of cities, they hold no stake.
What would they compete in? Weaving? Grinding grain? Expressing milk? Athletics for women? Whoever heard of such a thing? You’re talking about them as if they were something other than property.
Endurance events are a valid and valuable metric. Plus is not artemis herself a skilled huntress? While such skills and talents are indeed rarer in women, they do still exist and it is an insult to those gifts that we not encourage their expression. I will be quite selective to whom my niece is married off to and I refuse to entertain the notion that she is not an equal part of the household she will be tasked to run. That is the eventual mother of my brother’s grandchildren. She will know enough of these things so that she can keep her sons in line if they misbehave or worse, lie.
I would not be opposed to adding horse racing, or perhaps chariot races. Leave it for a side event though. The main attraction must be the athletes, but so long as many come from afar, let them bring animals to race and bet their coins on.
As for women competing? Well… there is much said of showing the vigoriousness they can give, but only in separate events! to ask them to compete against men would be to invite undue advances that would degenerate sport into a pell-mell of bodies in sacrilegious acts.
Outrageous! What will they think of next? I guess we’ll just let all the competitors place curses on eachother too then? The statues of Zeus are there for a reason, people!
let all the competitors place curses on eachother too then
Are you telling me you’re not supposed to do that?
That attitude will soon have you pay for the next statue of Zeus, mister.
(Adding: there’s a row of Statues of Zeus near the Olympic stadium, with plaques describing why they were placed. The idea was that these would be bought with the fines placed on cheaters. One common way to cheat was to have various gods and/or powers place a curse on the competition, and we have numerous records of this)
Comedy and tragedy will be brought back as subdisciplines of pankration
