This post is an explanation of how my personal motivation works, and I am curious how others here relate to it, and if it is a common thing with ADHD.
For starters, I have inattentive-type ADHD, have been diagnosed and on various medications for ~5 years, and am roughly college age for context. I am very highly motivated by other people, basically anything where people are depending on my for something, or will directly help/harm someone depending on my actions. Of course I still have executive dysfunction struggles regardless, but that external motivation helps immensely.
In school this manifested as struggling a lot with homework (often not doing it), but doing very well in-class and with group projects. In my limited work and internship experiences, somewhat predicably, I have done very well as directly working hands-on with coworkers highly motivates me. Unfortunately, personal life progression things like actually getting a job and finding and applying for further education is the exact opposite, and is a struggle. There are of course plenty more examples, but I think that gives the gist of my experience.
[Cross posted from [email protected] cuz I forgor that was mainly a memes community]
I have the same problem and wish I could trick myself into seeing myself as a different person because I’m only capable of being nice to and attentive to other people 🫠
Here’s a fantastic secret: eventually you can.
Telling yourself that you are a people too might help (it did not me) but also, you cannot help others until you take care of yourself first. It’s worth exploring that thought further as to why you behave that way - especially since there could be several potential reasons, as everyone is not the same cookie cutter personality. It’s okay to be different - it’s far less than okay to not be able to get stuff done in a world that demands it.
Standard disclaimer I’m no psychologist, so what do I know, really? I just wanted to encourage you that it can be different than it is now.
That is a good point. I have a lot of guilt about not “pulling my weight” as far as helping others because I’m too busy trying to fix myself. Maybe if I confront that guilt more instead of trying not to think about it, I can derive some motivation from it.
I also do have hope that I can get better. Despite being perpetually frustrated with my progress even I have to admit I’ve improved over the years, which suggests I’ll continue to improve.
You make a good point about exploring why I mistreat myself so I’m adding a reminder to discuss that with my therapist this week.
Thanks internet stranger :)
This sounds exactly like me. I’m about twice your age, and only realized I was ADHD inattentive a few years ago when I was trying to learn what to expect with my new ADHD diagnosed stepson.
Not letting down others is my biggest motivator. I’ll let my life fall apart from neglect, but heaven forbid someone else become slightly inconvenienced! Sounds insane when you spell it out, but knowing is half the battle I guess.
I’ll let my life fall apart from neglect, but heaven forbid someone else become slightly inconvenienced!
Exactly. It is frustrating sometimes though knowing exactly what is wrong with my brain and why I struggle and yet having such a hard time dealing with it.
Keep an eye out for toxic people.
It took me WAY too long to learn this, as I kept bending over backwards for people who would kick me when I’m down before they’d help me back up.
It’s ok to just stay away from those people as much as possible. You don’t owe them ANYTHING.
