A childhood friend sold his business a year ago and bought a big yacht on the sound near where we both grew up. I also have a modest home nearby but nothing like his. For his birthday bash he pulled out all the stops, actually hiring some 90s rock celebs to be on his boat. I’m just kinda tired of the guy so I made up a white lie about being out of town. I wanted to spend the weekend relaxing with family and decompressing from a long hard work week. Anyway, his boat came by my place. He texted me a telephoto pic of me on my deck drinking a glass of wine. He called me an asshole for lying to him, and missing this “important” celebration. I’m just tired of him flaunting his wealth. Doesn’t seem like the guy I once knew, but I didn’t mean to hurt his feelings. AITH?
Edits: fixed typos
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You are NTA. Someone spying on you to prove you skipped their lame attention-seekinh shindig, is TA.
“Plans changed and I didn’t have the energy to be social.” Plus, once you’ve RSVP’d not going, it is rude to then show up…so remember that if he pushes for more.
Or you could level with him and explain you didn’t enjoy watching him flaunt his wealth, so you took your attitude and stayed home…because that is the nice thing to do.
But regardless, remember you are not obligated to hang out just because you are invited. It is okay to say you have other plans…even if they are literally just to stay home. Totally valid. NTA.
Anyone else think this whole post reads like a humblebrag?
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You could’ve been up front with your friend and I don’t see why you lied to him. Your friend bringing his boat to your house is creepy, and he definitely overstepped. Based on what you’ve described, I’d say ESH.
You’re the asshole to the normal extent that anyone who makes an excuse to skip a party is an asshole.
That being said, a party thrown by someone who is trying to be conspicuously wealthy is an excuse to drink for free, so skipping it is kind of lame.
You are not the asshole. White lies were invented by god to get out of friends’ parties. Using a telescope to spy on you, on the other hand, is a bit of an asshole move.
I’m sorry, but one has no obligations beyond themselves. I’d rather pay for a nice bottle of my own wine than be trapped on some douche canoe’s mega douche canoe.
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while you’re technically wrong for lying i can’t say i don’t relate. his behaviour sounds assholeish even before he invaded your privacy, though.
NTA, It sounds like your friend may not understand how friendship works. It also sounds like you are done with this guy’s friendship.
Showing up for your people is important but not more important than your own well-being.
Money or no money it’s shitty to miss someone’s birthday. Even if you were honest if you’re not willing to go to someone’s birthday party why are you guys friends? YTA
You can attend or not attend someone’s birthday party or other event for any reason. You don’t owe them your presence if you don’t want to be there.
However, it’s a totally valid question to ask “why are you guys friends?” Doesn’t sound like OP likes this guy much, and I kinda think the answer is that they USED to be friends in a more meaningful way, and OP didn’t want to ruffle feathers by saying anything when his feelings about the friendship changed.
Sounds like… They aren’t friends anymore. You know, considering the guy doesn’t like him or want to hang out with him.
