So at 4:30 in the morning, I was woken by an interdimensional alien monstrosity I can only imagine is one of the creatures David Grusch was alluding to in that Congressional hearing a few weeks ago, and after an hour of running away, suppressing my screams, and unsuccessful attempts at smashing the thing, I have captured it in a Mason jar, and now have no idea how to properly punish it.

And I emphasize punish as opposed to simply kill, for the indignities this not-so-little asshole put me through the past hour render it completely undeserving of any mercy, quarter, or protection under our legal system.

IT’S HALF THE SIZE OF MY FUCKING HAND.

IT, IT’S BROWN AND SHINY ALL AT THE SAME TIME SOMEHOW.

IT FLEW. I HAD TO DODGE TO KEEP IT FROM FLYING IN MY FACE. 😡😡😡🤬🤬🤬😰😰😰

It dared to defy the authority of the top creature of the motherfucking pecking order on Earth, and for my humiliation it must be forced to suffer. An example must be made so none of its kind get any ideas. I don’t want them to invade Earth and destroy humanity.

Only this is my first time dealing with something like this and I don’t know how to make it suffer.

How do you maximize the pain of an evil alien entity from another dimension? How do we make it suffer as much as possible? Yes, this is a serious question.

Can these things even feel pain?

Did, did Lovecraft ever leave any of his instructions in his books? Anyone have a copy of the Necronomicon, perchance?

Proof that aliens exist, EAT YOUR HEART OUT GRUSCH: https://ibb.co/9VpsTMt

No throwaways, we die like aliens dumb enough to crash land in the American heartland

  • Doll_Tow_Jet-ski
    28•1 year ago

    Dude chill. Don’t step down to their level. Show the creature some mercy. You’ve tortured enough by keeping it in that mason jar. Let it go and break the cycle of violence

  • sylver_dragonEnglish
    18•1 year ago

    Seek mental help. Your desire to torture a bug, to cause pain purely for the sake of causing pain, demonstrates a troubled mind.

  • @[email protected]
    15•1 year ago

    Bring the creature outside and release it, let it tell tales about the mighty human warriors and the incredible mercy they showed for such an inferior being.

  • @[email protected]
    12•1 year ago

    Unless it has given unmistakable evidence of possessing high intelligence, torture is pointless. It doesn’t understand its transgression, or how you feel, let alone they’ll ever be able to link the cause of their suffering as a consequence of such transgression.

    I would suggest you re evaluate the costs and benefits of making this alien suffer. It’s likely not that convenient for you anyway.

    And no, no aliens lay eggs on people. The dust is already unusual.

      • @[email protected]
        4•1 year ago

        Well if you must kill it you can spray insecticide in the jar and cover it quickly. Otherwise you can just leave it in the jar.

        I prefer the swift death with a chancla though, I find the first two options take too long, in particular the second, and these aliens can stay alive for more than a week in captivity. Since you can’t use the chancla I would recommend the spray.

  • @CandelestineEnglish
    11•1 year ago

    I’d probably set it up in front of a tv set to evangelical christian ministers asking it for money in exchange for miracles.

  • @moipe
    10•1 year ago

    So you caught a moth in a mason jar? I heard on the internet the other day that some moths don’t even have mouths, they just live to bang. I’m sure you’ll think of something.

  • DeconceptualistEnglish
    6•1 year ago

    I think you’ve got it backwards. Most likely this is the creature’s ancestral homeland where thousands of generations found a niche with enough food and safety to reproduce to this day.

    That means YOU are the alien and invaded by parking your ship (house) here.

    Most likely it just wanted to escape, and get back to a place with food and a mate. It doesn’t understand why it’s trapped. Imagine if you were out in the forest and fell though the roof of a cave, then found yourself trapped with an angry bear. Kinda of like that.

    The bug didn’t set out to frighten you. So you’re already torturing it by keeping it confined. I would find the nearest nature park or reservation and let it go there.

      • DeconceptualistEnglish
        1•1 year ago

        I’m not saying you have to welcome this thing anywhere near your house (I wouldn’t either). But I’m not sure you have the healthiest relationship with our fellow living beings. I recommend some David Attenborough documentaries as a bit of cleansing, might help you feel better.