Please don’t ask why I need this.
It would be great if the food also made me sweat a lot.
It doesn’t need to be something I can easily find.
Can’t believe lemmy already has volume enough for this level of shitposting 🥲
Shit posting, nice.
Lemmy’s first inside joke, I’m so proud
Edit: Link for the uninitiated
We did it boys! New low-effort meta shitpost any% world record!!!
This shall go down as the first meta shit post in the history of Lemmy. I love it!
And a new lemmy/kbin specific meme is born. O glorious day!
Some people say we can’t have nice things.
Those people don’t read this thread lol.
Oh no. Is this our “test post please ignore”?
test shit please ignore
Stover’s Chocolates made with stevia. Eat 1 pound over a day or so. Tried and true formula.
This! What is up with that candy?
It’s the stevia, it’s a sweetener but also a laxative. There’s a certain brand of soda that uses stevia as its sweetener also and will have the same effect.
Then you could just eat the stevia to save on money and calories
Oh wow, a topic for which I’m somewhat of an expert.
Get a box of cornbread mix. Dump it in a bowl. Add milk. Stir and then consume with a spoon. If you want some violence to your shits then mix a considerable amount of crushed red pepper before the milk while it’s still a dry powder. The milk will help dull the impact of the CRP as you’re eating it but not as it’s passing, and passing fast.
With this method you should be able to make a load of poop that floats a bit and will pile up above the water line, significantly increasing the stench you leave in the bathroom.
The amateur enhancement is to also slam down a number of Fibercon tablets, but if you want to amp this up to pro-level defecation then go look in the supplements section for some stuff called “chitosan”. It’s like ground up shrimp and crustacean shell, and it bonds to fats so instead of being absorbed they pass through you. That plus a bunch of fatty stuff from other suggestions you’ll be receiving will take your adventure to the next level. This plus swapping in heavy whipping cream for the cornbread concoction then you’ll probably have bowel movements so horrible you’ll have to register them with some kind of government agency.
Good luck and may your toilet paper be the good stuff.
Oh wow, a topic for which I’m somewhat of an expert.
Yeah this reads as fairly sarcastic, but your advice is extremely specific.
I am thinking you know your shit.
Holy litteral shit.
Question: what kind of absolute hell would I go through if I did all of this after not pooping for 3 days?
Bonus: how bad would this be if I was actively constipated?
This is quality advice, OP.
Wow, and I was about to suggest all-bran. I must level up.
Is this the first lemmy meme? Send this shit to archive.org
History in the making
This is the high quality content I come here for.
Literal shitpost
"It may be a shitpost
But it is not a shit post."
- Sun tzu
Went to a place where you can see lots of animals in cages but all they had was a small dog. It was a shitzu.
yes it is
"It may be a shitpost
But it is not a shit post"
- Shit Tzu
Ftfy
Omg. I love Lemmy already. This is the hardest I’ve laughed at a post in a long time. Bravo.
We already have callbacks and inside jokes! I’m never leaving.
You nailed it. It’s the callbacks and inside jokes. That’s what makes it feel like “home”
Stage 1:
- 3 bunches of bananas, 2 lbs cooked rice, 1 loaf of white bread (toasted)
Stage 2:
- 1 gallon of liquid laxative
- 1 gallon of franks red hot
- a 3 gallon bucket
- a ladle
consume stage 1 & wait 3 hours. consume stage 2. repeat as necessary
GOOD advice to preserve 1 gallon of space in the bucket. Proper ladle size for this application will require large displacement.
Google colonoscopy prep
Holy crap
New turd just dropped
deleted by creator
I was here for the first lemmy meme
The funny thing is, because lemmy is so small basicly everybody instantly knows whats going on
So uhh, step one: get cholera (it lives on shellfish, and plankton do with this what you will, lick some shells or something)
Step two: ingest cholera
Step three: try not to die😁You know things are going great when a legit answer recommends getting cholera.
Mmh i like opposite posting
I have a good option here: Dairy.
Basically, your body can only produce so much Lactase (the thing that breaks down Lactose) at a time. Lactose intolerant people barely produce any Lactase, which is why eating a tiny bit of cheese is OK for them, but they’ll explosively shit themselves if they have a glass of milk.
Anyways, you have a lactase limit, time to find it. An added bonus of this strategy is that your options are a bit more varied: You can load up on cheeses, milkshakes, cream puffs, cheesecake. Regular old milk has the most lactose though, so if you want to shit yourself plentifully and violently, bring a ton of that (and whatever other foods you want, the milk will do the work here). Just don’t try and chug a whole gallon of milk in under 20 minutes, you’ll vomit because it will dilute your stomach acid until instead of digesting it, it’ll curdle in your stomach.
Eat the milk with some Kellogg’s All-Bran buds. They’re like 60% fiber by weight.
Thanks I hate vomozarella.
I’ll just leave this here… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kqbvu8jZBOw
Jesus Christ. I’m glad that video is only in 480p, somethings don’t need to be in 4k.
