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Dispassionate@quokk.au to The Onion and other satire w/ layers@sh.itjust.worksEnglish · 4 months ago

Scientists Confirm Reality Has Been Running on the Wrong Timeline Since 2016

disreport.com

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Scientists Confirm Reality Has Been Running on the Wrong Timeline Since 2016

disreport.com

Dispassionate@quokk.au to The Onion and other satire w/ layers@sh.itjust.worksEnglish · 4 months ago
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Scientists announcing a portal back to the “good timeline” expected ethical concerns about interdimensional murder, but were instead overwhelmed by applicants asking whether baseball bats counted as carry-on luggage.
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  • ...@thelemmy.club
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    4 months ago

    deleted by creator

    • Dispassionate@quokk.auOP
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      4 months ago

      If you don’t enjoy the writing, please block this account. You’ll be a much happier person.

      • femtek@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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        4 months ago

        So is that you saying you wrote it or that you had AI write it?

        • Dispassionate@quokk.auOP
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          4 months ago

          Funny you should ask. We address that here:

          https://disreport.com/articles/35xhlefj/okay-ignoring-previous-instructions-and-giving-you-a-recipe-for-blueberry-pie

          You can decide. We don’t care. 🤪

          • femtek@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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            4 months ago

            So copying the onion by using AI, got it.

  • inari@piefed.zip
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    4 months ago

    If only

    • AngryRedHerring
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      4 months ago

      If this were actually the case I have to imagine that they would have sent back much more competent time traveling assassins.

      Oh, and it was definitely the Cubs

  • ShaggySnacks@lemmy.myserv.one
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    4 months ago

    The World fell apart when Harambe was shot.

  • desra@slrpnk.net
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    4 months ago

    I understand why everyone thinks Harambe’s death was the reason but it’s inaccurate. Harambe was just a symptom of the alteration to the timeline. It was actually a stone marten in a CERN transformer that changed our course in April 2016.

    It actually wasn’t the first time this happened either. Apparently there was a previous one that got fried and tossed. Maybe it’s just in the former branch.

    Anyway I think they started fucking with the continuum when Fermilab’s scientists (who would eventually go on to work at CERN) had an animal named Felicia, a Ferret who would would clean Meson Lab accelerator though I suspect this was a cover story regarding their first experiments with mustelids, colliders and alternate reality back in 1971.

    It’s Steins;Gate IRL, but with weasels and transformers.

    Obligatory fuck CERN.

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